Morning Beauty! Tu es très belle!

A Morning of freshness!
A Morning of cheer!
This is a morning of 2009!

It's wonderful when I took a peek at those flowers at my rooftop. It's amazing though when I saw every flowers are blooming, let alone the orchids. It's serene of real beauty. But those blossoms cannot stay last long, then the only way to keep its beauty is taking picture.
And here we go....

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!

2008 is gonna be another Black & White year!

- It’s been a lovely year. It's my half full and half empty year! But I think it is more HALF FULL! I love 2008 after all. It’s a year I was back to my basic, the year I’ve started over again, the year I have learn to be more control in my life. I think I need to make a review-type layout. But it’s sort of sad because I probably don’t remember the little things. However, I don’t have many things to say too [Kmas ke nas!].
But, when I think back on the year, yes, there are few things I want to write about, but I want to remember the little things too. So we’ll see.

- I found blog. I just found it while I was having nothing to do at home in Lowell. I didn’t remember how I found it. But now it’s been nearly a year I write blog.

- I left America on the last week of January. I love that time. I missed that time. And my journey was ended at that time! Well, it was like a kid who got lost her way from home! But now, Hey kid, you're back to your mum!

- I did have a very great time on Chinese New Year. I felt a little bit better after the ended journey!

- I had a great time at Kompot. It’s when I got to know Bong Ratha and Bong Phirith. Honestly, I was thinking Bong Mab was a snob [Hehe but, I think I had a snobby face also, most ppl told me so!]. Indeed he is such a lovely bro.

- It was a very surprised birthday I ever had. But being 20, is when I feel having two different persons fighting inside. Being 20 made me feel sick inside, but being 20, if you would notice, you will see how much I changed. teehee. Seriously, a BIG CHANGE!

- I’m not a kind of happy-go-lucky type-of-me anymore. Some say they are so envy of being me, a happy-go-lucky one. But hey girls, now I’m no more. Hehe.

- I got to know more people. They are great. Some are super great.

- I met my long-lost friends and started keeping in touch again.

- I read less. Not like before I could read everyday and I can finish one fiction in 2 or 3 days. But now, after finished one, I have to make my eyes relax.

- I just noticed, recently, I was always about to hit and have motor accident. And these couple days, I couldn’t control on my car wheel also, especially at night. Because of my freaking eyes. But riding motor is easier and I can be more in control more than driving car. Don’t want to guess what is gonna be! Whatever!

- I did well in my job. Ermm, what’s more I have to say?

- I miss them, some people in Modesto, Salida and Riverbank. I’m sure they don’t really miss me or even hate me. Whatever it is, I’m trying to think that I did the right thing, for myself. One big decision for my own life. I did right. I didn’t do anything which harms anyone. Also, I beat the thought of thinking about others more than myself. Too much for self-sacrifice. I’m learning to give myself priority and it’s what J. Ngim, Bong Vy and Bong Sophia kept telling me. Nonetheless, I hope they understands and hope they are fine everyday.

- I miss them, everyone in Lowell. It’s where I learned a lot from them, Bong Bong, they tough me how to be stronger, even thought I’m not yet strong enough like them, independence like them, but I’m a little bit stronger than before. I learned how to be more not-like-kid [At this point, I feel that I not am. but thinking that is how I learn to change myself for better]. Tree of them experienced a lot and a lot. They faced the scariest world alone and stand for their own self. No one lift them up. I do proud of them. After hearing their story, yeah, they are super women!

- I always let the opportunities slipped through my fingers. I used to mention it! Never mind!

- Oh wait! My cooking! I think, it is getting better! I meant it is better than worst! -Wink-

- At last, I went where I want to go. I was a little bit enjoy being there. SHV is always my spot of holiday. But it's not fun at all at the end of the day.

- However, I have a happy ending!

1- I’m a little bit recovers. See? Making space is always a great idea. I enjoy myself with my works even though I am having more and more things to do. But hey, it’s still same old same old. I think I can do just fine. Is it because of my birthstone with me??? Lolz. But wearing it regularly, my mood is so good.

2- The confusion is not yet cleared up, but it goes fine. We become normal. We act like nothing happened. We don’t bring it up and make it clear. We just dug it in the hole. We both are the same. She likes making space just like me and then everything will become normal. We both forgive thing easily, but not really forget. BUT, it doesn’t mean we hold the grudge or sth. Definitely NO. We just don’t want to bring up, that’s all. The past is the past. I’m happy now for that. But I hope she will understand more about me sooner or later. [Damn me, do I wish people to understand about me by doing nothing???]

3- I did have a wonderful Christmas. It’s super excited.

4 - I enjoy joining wedding. You know why? I want to dance. He-he. I don’t know. I just want to dance with our traditional rhyme. I love every beat of it. That’s it. Hey, more weddings to come! Lah.

During 2008, I was revitalizing my own self.
During 2008, I was gaining myself self-esteem.
During 2008, I was getting to know more about true self.
During 2008, I was improving my works.
During 2008, I was getting to know more good people.
During 2008, I was observing people’s mind.

In the beginning of 2009, I hope to see the result, the good result.
I feel want to kiss you now 2009! Lolz

I’ve got a full year Chinese astrology in 2009, the year of Ox.
I read it and it said, most months in 2009 are favorable moths. Hopefully it’s going to be real. Sa thus! Sa thus!
I’m definitely not a horoscope-freak! teehee

All right, guys!

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR! Which is tomorrow!

Dancing time!

Bong Ny and I were a little bit late. While on the way to pick Bong Ny up, I was in traffic jam for about half an hour and I saw the policeman used his stick to hit the Motordoup guys!!! So viloent! Everyone was shocked by seeing that! But I should put the blame on those Motordoup too, they always make the traffice more stuck by trying to get the way to go without respecting others.
Meanwhile, I was reaching for my camera, but hehehe all the cars behind honked me to move! All right, no pictures for this one!


- I love Bong Kamab's white dress shirt! He look so handsome in this outfit! Look like a PRINCE CHARMING KAMAB!
- I also love Bunna's suit! The blue one beneath! teehee
- COol! Bong Ny look like so modest in this traditional set!

Bong Ty looks like a Kmouch Chhoa! And Bong Kamab doch Kla Khmom!

It's not hard to find some kind of people above out here in this world! Come to Reddot!

---

At least, we made this wedding come alive by dancing ot svang! lolz
Only Bong Ny and I were girls and only Bong Ny and I were dancing! Cool! I love our traditional dancing!

Surprise!

I was thinking on the other day that I won’t have any celebration. Unexpectedly, It was different from what I think! Here we go, we did enjoy our day! A super excited day!

At 4h, we started! Everyone so ar-nhé ar-nhai! Oy vel mok! But heyaa! WE WERE SO HAPPY! You know the funniest gift of all is when Bong Phirith gave her gift to Bong Phos, Reachiny Somros! Ha-ha Bong Kamab bought her a crown and designed a errr [What’s it called?] A long narrow paper and put “Miss Reddot 2009” and a picture which designed with her as an angel! Lolz Dol kor hay Bong Phos! Krob tek morng!!!

Thank you so much for all your gifts!

I LOVE THIS CHRISTMAS! I LOVE GIFTS!

***
So many pictures I want to post during playing games. But Hmmm lazy nas! I bet you will laugh at those pictures if I posted!

Jingle Bombs!

Have you done with Christmas Shopping?

Heh. Instead of it, I’ve just done with reading someone’s blog about her Christmas’ shopping last year. She shopped till drop. Immediately, it reminds me about J.Ngim and J.Chet. Sure enough, they must try to spare their time to do shopping. As far as I remembered, Hea Hean used to tell me they sometimes spent 8 hours at mall. Lolz. Girls like shopping. I don’t know why. But for me, I’m quite different. Only 1 hour is enough while I don’t like lingering and checking it over and over [Unless I buy sth which is so expensive]. Honest to god, I could die if I spend more than 2 hours walking back and forth at mall.

Talking about Christmas, I too have my last Christmas and it was my very first time of getting Christmas’ gifs, excluding the gifts I got during school. It was great. I was so lop lop [No wonder why I was so Super Lop]. I didn’t get the ideas of exchanging or giving gifts is something people popularly do during Christmas.

Here are the gifts I got last Christmas.

1- White Hollister Tote Bag from J.Ngim [She knows I do like that kind of bag].
2- A pair of Book Light Pin from Hea Eang [He knows I like reading, esp. at night. But damn me, I forgot to bring one here!].
3- A nice Red Forever21 Jacket from J.Chet and Hea Hean [I needed jacket].
4- Little cutie teddy bear from Pov. [I tell you this chubby boy is sooo cute, even more and more cuter than that teddy! lolz].

But, too bad, I had nothing for them. I didn’t expect to get those gifts. I insisted J.Ngim to accompany me to mall, so I could buy sth back for them, esp. I made promise with Hea Eang, but she said no need while she was so tight with her time also. Hence, I ended up with having nothing for them regretably.

This Christmas, I have already known that I will get nothing. Lolz. No celebration here. And the culture and the idea of giving or exchanging gifts here is far more different from people over there. No, no, no, there are people out there, whom I don’t recognize, probably have this culture in their mind. So they must be going to have a great time on Christmas then.

Now I’m waiting to know what I’m going to do and with whom I’m going to spend time with on Christmas night.

Christmas does no matter, but New Year, I want to have a COUNDOWN PARTY!!!!!!

This is how, who and where you are right now

I start thinking about achievement that I have never thought of. Why am I just starting obsessing just now? The reason is I just found some of my certificates and my attestations that I obtained during school since I was little. I was proud of it. And I’m proud of it again just now. Mum described about how and who I was. Honestly, I could not remember at all. All I know is I was so lazy, so when Pa wanted me to do exercise on subject I hate like Math, he had to pay me some cashes if I agreed to do it, but it depended on how many score I get. 10/10 or 08/10 or 07/10, I will get pay by it. Not only by scores, I have to get like, “Très bien or Excellent” to get more money. Ha-ha. The bargain was off if I got low score. Sometimes, I have to race with my sister or my cousin to do exercise, and we did that only because of the bargain. I didn’t just get the money from my Pa, but my uncle and my Mak Yeay as well. See? I earned much from getting good scores of doing exercises, many exercises I did, many money I made. Ha-ha. I could make money since little. Heh. Money-face, right? No, it would sound better if I called it Reward instead. Yeah it was REWARD. I just realized that is how my Pa trained me to be a top student, and every thing is for my own good.

And now I’ve grown up and started looking in what I have. What I see is nothing. No more achievement. Oh, I forgot in this past three years, I was making my effort to do my work. I have set a goal in mine for doing it even though I claimed many times that I’m doing it because of the responsibility. But now I determine to improve it. I think one has to appreciate what they are doing, even though nobody does. Perhaps nobody is proud. But for me, I have become a person I’m proud of, because of what I’m doing. I’m the one who start and build it from the very beginning. At least, I’m a part of it. But a biggest obstacle is one who not makes me way. I’m gradually trying to make it better. But still I need cooperation.
I don’t like challenging. That’s not why I was born for. Unlike people who like challenging their life with others. I think I was born to create my own way and walk on my own way and there's no one I'm going to push to the side to get where I'm going. That's where I live my life peacefully. Some of people, they compete, they fight and used one another to accomplish what they want. That’s not what I appreciate. But I don’t disagree with who has their way of challenging. WE HAVE OUR OWN DIFFERENCE AND WE NEED VARIATION.

Everything which has been said above is delivered from Pa, Uncle and May Yeay who have played a very, very important role in my life. And they still do and keep doing. They shaped and plant the root of myself. They taught me a lot. One taught how to get on with life. One taught how to be more flexible and more intelligent. And one taught me how to be a good person. Not only taught, but showed me. They are every manifestation of what a good person is. And I see that. I did learn a lot from them, but from LIFE even more from these past three years. Right now, life is still an abstract concept for me, and so they are still at on my back. It doesn’t mean I want to be independent just now. No. I know I’m still dependent and I still need their advices always in most part of my life. And l do like sharing those though. But to be honest, in some case and some situation, when things goes wrong and mistakes is rising, it made me feel like a loser and a failure. They have power to make me feel like a loser and a failure and even an immature one more than anyone else does. But I have this mindset that I can be better in some way. Occasionally or eventually, I wanted to explain them why I always try not to listen and leave when they are talking about one thing, keeping on me and keeping telling off. It doesn't mean I'm no more their good listener. They can see that I still am. But the reason is because I have already chastised myself a million times for every mistake that they repeat to me. I have already yelled at myself and turned over and over in my head. Nobody makes me feel worst than myself. And now I’m looking for way or more ways to be more me. But I still share my big part with them. After all, they are the reason in everything and every decision.

And now, I have learned what it means to be a good person. At least. It means being honorable, courageous, trustworthy, dependable, reliable, honest... and part of being the person I want to be is to tell others how I feel about them. So that's what I'm initially starting doing now.

***

P.S. At the moment, while I’m determining on what I’m doing, I’m trying not to obsess about the confusion. I might let it goes off this way. It is hard to pin down really. Perhaps one day, it is going to be cleared up. This confusion has mentally, emotionally and physically cost me a deal of headaches for these days. It does possibly no matter at all if the confusion is rise up between some other people, but for someone I love and respect can make me fall under the depression and my mind is obsessively so anxious and filled with the thought of this particular confusion, honest to god, it is killing me terribly. However, everything goes a little bit fine since my family is harmoniously full of peace and home is where I always can relax and relieve. Esp, I have one to understand and she is facing it with me. That’s worth.

SHV - Random

I like this close-up shot! I'm trying to learn about how to shoot the pictures more professional as the best as I can. It's not that I want to be a photographer, but I like cool pictures. You know when you look in Flickr and some other photographs which taken by foreigners, it's pretty awesome. It's an art form definitely. I want to know how to shoot the best pictures like ppl in Flickr to

Boss told me some tips. But I still need professional camera to get the best shot either.

Btw, I know most pictures I learn to shoot are still pretty dumb!

Most ppl said we are like sibling. Cuz Kamab kamab doch knea!!! lolz Yeah I think so. Well well well we are like brother and sister, all right?

Look like a boy and a girl right?
It's good to have OSK cap with me! Haha
- "Take off your hair band! It looks like you are in gym, c'on" I told her so.
- "My hair will jab ott chhneark lov hay if I take it off" she replied.

Picture! Picture! Picture!
Oy vel muk! lolz
I don't like stand-still pose, but RANDOM! And you know that!

First only Bong Mab and I were crazy over cam-whoring! Many random crazy shots we have. Swear to god, It was fun! Later on, Bong Mao came to join. And then Bong Ny. teehee...

We were jumping! You see? I'm look like a boy while Bong Mao looks like a girl. We are another lesbian couple! Wehhh!

Hehehe What should I say in here??
Oh Yeah! My phone.
I forgot that I left my phone in my pocket while jumping and playing in water.
When I went up, OMG, my ole phone was already died. So sad. The only I have and I love the most.
At that moment, I was like, "GOD DAMMIT!"

Both of us always the ones who got up and dressed up faster than others. You know why??? WE ARE NOT REALLY GIRLS!! Hahaha Err I meant most girls like lingering in doing something, esp spending massive time in front of mirrors and always letting others waiting for them. But surprisingly, our GUYS always made us waiting for them more and more longer. Heya! I'm not complaining ok?? That's what I noticed.
Only Girls here!
That's when all GIRLS were waiting for GUYS!

It didn't take long to bond with Bong Pich's GF, Mao. She's an easy-going person. One thing we both have in common is we like jumping in front of camera and say cheeeese!! lolz Weeee.. Btw, I hope you have a nice trip here in Cambodia and hehehe My Bong Pich won't be lonely for a time being you are here.

Hehehehe All are random pictures... Sorry I posted a lot. I couldn't help. lah.

Those guys like wearing sunglasses... You know what? Each of their sunglasses are the same styles. Because they bought it together at the same time. lolz

We ended up with kissing as a lesbian couple [Don't get it wrong. Just acted only!]. lolzzz Som tos hay bong Pich. Som ba-der Bong Mao sen hay!!!

The last night on beach to have bbq and having fun with lucky draws.

I got to eat a cucumber before getting LANVIN pour homme. Just a bite only lah!

Both Filipino singers seems so happy when having us around to join for these two night. We sang along, requested the songs and sang with them too... Hahahah I did sing with Jen on the stage too.

***

It's the last day when the fun was ended and it spoiled all the entire holiday!

SO BAD!

Look at all the pictures, it is showing that we have so much fun right?

FUN

FUN

FUN

FUN

FUN?

If you ask me, "Did you have fun on your holiday trip?"

I would give you a big sigh and say, "NO!"

And if you ask me, "Why?"

I would answer, "It's gonna be A LIST to write down about what happened and It's gonna be A DAY to explain! I'd appreciate if you won't ask me, Ok?"

She was so surprised!

Yes, she was so!
She didn’t expect that we would go over there.
The funny thing is it surprised me more when she could not get clue. Oh la la! I supposed that we let the cat out of the bag. She absolutely didn’t suspect about what we were planning for her birthday… Hahahahaha she is so so so […] You should know right, J.Nha? teehee…
The fact did go along with the plan and it made us so happy.
I hope you remember this moment, J.Nha, the moment that we drove along the hard-broken way to find your factory like crazy without letting you catch up and tried to hide ourselves in the car, so that you couldn’t see. In fact, if your eyes were original ones, you could have seen us. Sorry, indeed, we forgot that you couldn’t see anything without specs. Lolzz I forgot you wear specs only when you sing karaoke and take a peek or gawking at PROS KMENG! Yer! Om Srey! Hahahaha.

Well, we did have fun, didn’t we??