Dreary October

I was anxious not to get things go, but then I tried to do.

I was anxious to be understood but I tried hard not to resent those who don't.

I was anxious for things to go my way when I wanted them to, but I took a breath and a big step back and tried to seek patience instead.

I was anxious to be loved unconditionally but I tried not to let that stop me from loving others and hard.

I was/am anxious to be happy with who I am, right here, right now, but I tried/try to give myself a break and just be happy.

That's what I've been trying. hard.



Now I'm aiming to set my eyes on my going-to-be everyday in the near future on taking in the moments and then letting them go; on forming few attachments, except to the ones who rock my world; on being thankful at the end of each day that I'd make it through and have enough leftover to live.

This October is going to be the most depressive and dreary month that I'm going to remember. Because I can't keep promise to myself to this post anymore.

Let's end it all here. October.
Say hello to my new chapter in the fresh November, which I wonder what it's going to have in store, especially without a single plan and goal at all.

The remain of the day.

Maybe it's beyond what you expect.
The impossible expectation you yearn for after a long tiring day.




I've finally traveled 24 provinces and I'm proud of it.

During my travels, I fell in love often with countryside, esp. BTB where I could see beautiful clouds move back and forth; PL where you could never tired to enjoy the bluest sky on the summer day; MDKR where you can find the most greenest place for a better escape; RTNKR where you can see the most beautiful stars, and sky; KCG, the most peaceful place I once I think might end up there at my very old age... etc.

And maybe there's one noisiest, muddiest, and stressful place where you chase your life for life, but then, and the end of the day, if you could find something less stressful, but yet beautiful and romantic, that would be the best warming moment of the days. Like a quote from a book below:

"Beyond the wall that marked the end of the terrace, I could see for miles around the windows and back yards of the neighboring properties. A lot of the windows were lit, and the ones in the distance, if you narrowed your eyes, looked almost like an extension of the stars. This roof terrace wasn't large, but there was definitely something romantic about it. You could imagine a couple, in the midst of busy city lives, coming out here on a warm evening and strolling around the potted shrubs, in each other's arms, swapping stories about their day."

I particularly like the last line.

And for some reason, I'm stricken by this picture. It's taken on the 32th floor of Canadia Tower. I've never seen something like on the day time with my naked eyes, except the last 3 years I was on the plane. But it's definitely something else I utterly fell about it. Because I see it with a feeling. Because right now, it gives me a glimpse to remind me how life eat me up from the inside with my everyday stress and strain.

Last 3 years, it was the beginning, it's hard to see everything with my true feeling.
And today, I have plenty of times to be torn in between, to shout, to scream out loud and to tell what I've been feeling and how my days look like.

And that's SUCK!

I smile and shake my head, well we all write our own endings and we all have our own scars, but tonight I think I see what it's all about.

And I'm not gonna write it down. I'm saving them in my head.

Below is just some craps I want to get it off a little bit, which there are two things I'm really obsessed about:

1- Marriage & Pregnancy & Babies. I'm incredibly obsessed with it. Not because I want to get married, but I want to feel how it is to have a small living creature inside my tummy and how it is and how stress it is to be a master of everything with the new life. I want a change, really. I'm dying to experience it. Esp, when working on a new project related to it, I'm all for it. Anyway, so how to have baby without getting marriage? Single mom, i mean? Which is very INSANE, I know.

2- Health. Be aware of your well-being. Seek balance. We can't do anything without having a good health and I just realized it's very, very, and very important. So take a good care of yourself. Do regular check-up. Disease is everywhere and Stress is the worst of all in this new generation which lead to other illness. So, don't overwork yourself. Limit. Less ambition. Be Content. It's not fun when you're sick.

Anyway.

Homecoming by Vienna Teng.

This girl is really something. Epic.
After a long tiresome day, her songs calm my nerves.
And I'm feeling this beautiful song.

I just want to
be living as I'm dying
just like everybody here
just want to know my little flicker of time is worthwhile
and I don't know where I'm driving to
but I know I'm getting old
and there's a blessing in every moment every mile

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, tomorrow I'll miss you; remember I'll always be true.

Taken at KGC while walking and biking around stadium.

Have you been losing perspective on the most important people in your life? Sure, you're warranted respect in what you're doing -- but at the cost of spending time with the friends and family who love you no matter what time you get to work each morning? In the long run, you are always going to remember the people who had your back, the people who share your private jokes and the people who tell you the truth because it's good for you. Put them first no matter what.

And I just did.

How far do I have to go to get to you...

My birthday was 3 days ago. So I’m 23 turning to 24. I don’t like the number, I tell you. heehee... Will anyone care to tell me how it was like being 24, 25 and 26? I want to know. I wish I could have done something I want to do, but well, I’ve now grown addicted to the things I’m doing. It’s non-stop and there’s no point of turning back. And I care no more.

Well, nothing comes out from my losing brain. And I feel like everything around me is losing but I tempt to get attached with the current busy life. It’s been years I said it a lot to my people, “Sorry, I’m busy” which concerns me that I might end up living in this life forever which I don’t want to. Because I want to see the light until I reach the end of the tunnel. I’m still walking in it. No light. And. Pretty dark. When I bump into something, like wall and it hurts a lot, but there’s nothing I can do but keep walking and finding ways. It’s pretty sick.

Despite of everything, people do have some moments for themselves.
So I still have fun and lovely times and happiness.

What has in store for me this year? I don’t know. But I want to achieve the things I’m trying to do. I’ve never achieved anything in life, but knowing I’m trying my best, I still want to do more and know more and learn more and fail more and hurt more and hope more and especially, love more. I want to experience all those things a person who I’m looking up to goes through.

And I love these songs a lot.

*** At KGC for works and family matters. Right now, I think a lot about my dad, my uncle, and my bestie.

Good morning, yesterday.

I woke up by the chill of the wind, but I kept sleeping. Then again I woke up by the ring of the phones. GREAT. I hate that part. Everyday. Even though, I wanted so much to sleep like I didn't need to care if there were a crisis out there. Okay, like it or not, I had to get up.

Taken at Pailin. Chet stole its seeds for me. Now it's growing.

Yesterday and the day after yesterday, I wanted so much to let the mountain off my chest. I was throbbing with those pains. I wanted to let those out as much as possible. I got to understand why people usually say ‘It’s hard to breathe in here.’ I experienced it twice. And I was like, 'Somebody kill me please!'

So I just need someone to talk with and to let it out. But then I ended up being a listener instead. GREAT again. Alright, never mind. I barely bring myself to speak what my mind want to. I barely pin it down, let alone to to speak it out. Plus, whenever I started talking about my bummer or so, I often feel like 'Crappy crap! Cut it out! It's pretty much boring! Not that person want to hear your story as you want to hear theirs!'

Okay, maybe this is the reason why I'm always a listener.

So, out of blue, yesterday, after I got home, I determined on coming up with some tools of inspiration, but then I failed it. Because every minute I tried to make sense of everything, I was totally overwhelmed. Because I felt as though, if things didn’t ease up soon, I will just blow a fuse. Okay. I did it many time already.

But, suddenly I thought I should come up with something better to cope with. To give it a go, I need to lay it out on paper in order to pin it down, rather than let it slip in and out through my freaking brain.

---- Okay, not that I’ll post the list here----

Alright, after this half an hour later, I’ve done some of it. It came out well. It flew like running water. I’m amazed. I’ve never wanted to list things down and planned to keep everything in check like this. I’m no good at it. I don’t know it goes with plan, but I’ll try to follow up anyway. I need a lot of efforts. But if I fail, I’ll give it up. Because this mean I'm DEFINITELY not organized person.

So this plan will be my revolution for next year also. Some must to be started on January and some on the following months and run until June-July.

Apart from it, during the time I watch my sunflowers grow, I too determine to plant myself.
Btw, all the trips are officially canceled. Great. I've seen its coming.
But I've made another plan with my besties. Hope it will go well. Because this time, I really want to spend time with them on this New Year. I want to make it as ONE of those Times Of My Life also.

And this song is on top of my playlist. So inspiring.

progress, changing, growing then giving up, somehow we're never quite prepared...

But there are time you have to slow it down a little bit. Just a little bit. Except you don't have a chance at all. You're just being pushed through after all.

You know all along that you don’t rush through this life of yours.

But it goes too fast on its own and somehow you don’t really realize until some days.

There is just so much that you should not be missed… the really important stuffs.
And it’s really beautiful and peaceful.

This world will survive without you running around like a mad woman, checking things off your
to-do / to-fix / to-organize / to-control / to-succeed / to-accomplish/ to-take-care-of-everyone / to-blah-blah list, which rule your days.

And with this, you don’t feel the-old-you anymore. You don't feel what you felt anymore.
And all you want to do is to untick this list and hit "less-stress and happiness" button.
But, if we think about it for a second, it doesn't look like you're alone after all. People in this world is running around like mad to get those check list done. So, the question is, are we in common ground? Yes, we are.
Hence, what's the point to whine about?

nothing better than this... you feel just like the sun... just like the sun.

I couldn’t keep track of the vision of life recently. Each event, it comes and go. It’s like over there, over there and up there (I love this sentence a lot, cuz I watched this).

The thing is, in time like this, I’ve bumped into many new inspirations, realizations and thoughts in a way that I could say, I CAN FEEL IT. IT'S IN MY BONE. But the problem is I couldn’t get a hold of what flied into my mind and to put it into words.

Taken on the rice field, Takeo.

For instance, it happens often when you’re on the way to somewhere. I meant, when you see ‘that’, and then you start talking about ‘that’, you’ll just create 'that useful thought’ in your mind. I don’t know how it happens to others, but me. Especially, when being in a moment, when it reminds me the books I have read, which I gain more perspectives from those. You know when you read, you would stop and think about what it's written, but when you bump into a similar situation, or see anything related to, you’ll just get to understand in a profound way. At least, to me, it happens this way. I'm deeply inspired and excited about those new wisdom.

Every now and then, those books I’ve read really change the way I think, and it has a positive effect to the way I am. So would you tell what the books that change your perspective are? If you ask me, I’d say, I give two thumbs up for MITCH ALBOM… You’ll never know until you read one. Thank Nathary for the lending me one, and JenJen for recommending me other one and I’m glad Bong Lod interests and so into his books too.

Here the quote I just love a lot from "Have A Little Faith" by Mitch Albom:

1- "Having more doesn't keep you from wanting more"

2- "They aren't perfect, but they don't need improvement. Why? Because it means you are willing to accept people as they are. Nobody is perfect. Not even mom and dad. That's Ok."

3- "You can embrace your own faith's authenticity and still accept that others believe in something else."

Anyways, recently I’ve been blessed to bump into these great moments. I don’t know why, but I just incredibly love those moments I had recently.

1- I've developed such great sentimental mood when I was on the way to some places and we shared about everything related to that places. One thing leads to another, that’s how our days beautiful days went by, bubbling with fun and amazing conversation blah blah blah. Of course, they are decent conversations. It made me feel like a part of home and family. It reminds me this. Because it's like a new getaway, from everything in this complicated and messy world, power, materialism... and all you can feel, see, listen, and touch is nature, nature, nature over there, over there and up there, with new good talks about life and great laughs... which made me love a great simple life more and more... That's exactly what I want to feel. Profoundly. Warm. Happiness. Beautiful.

2- Talked and listened to each other experiences, thoughts and wisdom. And that was the very first time, in person, I’ve ever shared what in my mind, what books I read, what books that prove positive things to think about, what books that change the way i think, esp with right question, with the right conversation, with the right persons. That’s when I feel comfortable and relaxing.

What can I say? I just loves those moments.

Stop and smell the flowers...

Not pretty much road trips, but i prefer to say that.
And below are the pictures which taken in one of my road trip, Pailin.

I can always have fun during my work trips.
I can always have fun with those massive headaches.
I can always have fun no matter what.

To check all photos, click here.

Beside works and staff meeting, from laziness of getting up, warm shower, breakfast, coffee, talking, laughing, driving, teasing, critique, calling, cursing while driving, music, singing along (howling), look for unknown places to go, photography, finding loo along the way (haha), calling, texting, talking, talking and talking about everything (from childhood, neighbor, religious, wisdom, future, parents, relationship, friendship, careers, personal view, to general matter… blah, blah, blah), photography, saying ‘oooh and aahh’ to this and that, accept calls, ignore calls, waiting calls, wandering, sneaking out for fun, photography, talking to strangers, stop and smell the flowers, sneaking to people’s farms & fields, capturing, massages, dinner, talk, laugh, surfing, emailing and sleeeeeeeeep.

The only unpleasant and very disturbing thing is I HAD TO accept endless calls and evoucher-ing to staffs, no matter what time and whatever I was doing. I HAD TO PICK IT UP! DAMN!

Update: This week is scheduled for beach sides. KK/SHV/KP/VR/SA in a row and I'm looking for more info of Tatai... we planned to have a peek there and spend a day and night there.

I feel worst today, but tonight, thinking all about road trips i had, I’m feeling better.

been there, done that…

taken on the way to Kampot

Pretty much there's a feeling of enjoyment out of nowhere, but inside me.
Because of the current shot I'm in.
Because of where I've been and what I've done.
And I seem to pay less attention to whom I'm with.

There's a warn...
I was told I'm being missed.
I was told I'm like a thousand mile away.
I was told if I could give a little time for people I've never had time for.
I was told to think about who I'm with while I'm doing it.

Work hard, play hard…

This is the concept we got from our client on our very first trip for work together… which, as to our surprise, is what we always do. We actually know how to have fun for whatever situation we’re in.

Here is the most exciting and relaxing road trip for work ever last week. I didn’t remember when the last time I went to beach, but this time was exceptional. To make up for all, I went to 3 beaches in a row. SHV, KP and KK. The most touching part is when we spent a night at Nataya Resort in KP. With the super natural views and fresh cold breeze, plus the round Bali style room we slept in, I felt so relaxing, exciting, worry-free and less headaches with problems I face. I really enjoyed staying there which made me appreciate the idea and concept of the owner. We had dinner and talked and laugh. We are crazed over photo-taking. We enjoyed chatting with the Filipino and Cambodian-France, very tall yet big guy, who I assumed that he’s the owner, which is actually son of the owner. At night, I couldn’t help but fell in love with the moon, which I couldn’t resist taking in the spa-like bathroom outside the room and enjoyed watching it. The moon looked really great, along with many shadows of coconut leaves (Pictures later). I wish I could stay there forever. Well, a best recommended place to stay for honeymoon.

The day we’re in Koh Kong, after we’re done with our staffs’ meeting, we went to Prei Koang Kang. Before going there, we’re having breakfast. And that’s when Jeje and I really had a great laugh over our client’s staff who went there with us for market visit. I somehow found that he's not that flirtatious, but he's very humble. I like him.

Well, there’re about 6GB for all the photos we took. Jeje and I make a great pair when it comes to something fun like this.

Just finishing upload pictures. To see more, you can click here.

Updated: Thought I have to pack again for going trip this weekend with my uncle, Bee and Belle.... but hmmmmm... stuck with work again. Nonetheless, I have to pack for the next round trip in the same 8 provinces in this upcoming week.

It's been a while.

Hey I’m back.
It’s been a while and sorry I couldn’t get myself to write. This brain of mine is getting more rotten and I was kind of too lazy to blog, and also because I was kind of busy. Plus, I had nothing to blog about. I thought of not blogging about my routine or something personal, because I figured it was kind of boring, but then I turned to think that if I blog-for the sake of this rotten brain-it’s easier to remember in future.

Okay, there are too many to tell about, but to make it very short, let these few pictures tell you what happened to me partly and recently. You can see more pictures by clicking here.

It looks like a trip, but it's exactly not. We was in 8 provinces for BL's projects and now more to come and it's gonna be hell of bustling again from next weeks.

I just got some of views uploaded in my Flickr and moreover, I found that Tumblr is nice.

And I’m ready for another pack next week again and perhaps can't join my friend's wedding.

Anyway, I’ve been looking forward to say this, IT’S BEEN A BEST DAMN MONTH!

----Updated---
Sweat, sweat and sweat. My head also keep sweating every time. Which is why I got my hairs cut very shorts for the first time of my life. Though, it got me look like 35 years old lady. You know what? I don't care a bit about it, because bong Mab, Jeje, bong Jan and grandma said it's nice! Hahaha

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