Just This And That...

- In recent days, I'm working on a piece of so-called scrapbook. I’m doing one for Bong Phirith’s BD which is coming on this 2nd. I put much effort on doing it day by day. It’s been a week now and it’s still not yet done. I need to find more pieces of materials and accessories. lolz. I determined to get it done by this weekend. By working on this scrapbook, it made me forget everything while doing it. It’s good, though. Mum shook her head and said, “You started messing up your room with cutting and sticking those junk papers again.” and I was like, “Yes. Please don’t touch my things ok?? Let it’s scattering like that. I will clean it out when I’m done.”

- Well, Today, Work are DONE! And I’m too feeling a little bit recovered from those worst unsteady days. I hope for a long nap this weekend. Today I unlocked and freed myself from everything. I was thinking about taking a pause for a short while or taking leave for a day. It’s been a year that I’ve never taken leave or been on holidays while others always enjoy their break. But nothing to compare with my hard-working lady, my Ms. Perfect. She’s under more million-stresses than I do. She missed her several holidays and works no day or night. She’s too terrific for word. Well well well... Weekend is rolling on, so better come to work as usual. lolz. This Monday is going to be another start. [Big sigh]

- Plans never go with hands, I don’t know why. It’s hard to identify. Maybe because I put so much hopes without realizing the realistic. I lost my hope. All hopes. I’m trying to learn to control myself from being so excited with what I expected wish to come. Ones told me that it’s obviously been proven that I’m so naive and so young to understand and to be independent. I lack of judgment when I gave mark on something. I can’t leave from my comfort zone. I can’t stand on my own. My every decision is grounded on others, especially on my uncle and my cousin. I depend on them. I believe in them, because they are sophisticated person. If they tell me, don’t go there, I won’t! lolzz That’s so bad.
Well, I don’t know. It’s too much for me now, just too much. It’s just too tiring. I decided to stay still. I decided to stay where I am. And I’ll just go with the flow.

- At work, to be honest, I really want to kick someone’s ass and squeeze the neck and ask, “What’s the heck are you thinking? We’re trying our best, don’t you see??? Swear to god, I’m so sick of you, do you know that? Everyone is really sick of your freaking stupid act! You should open your eyes wider and see what the hell we are doing is just for you own sake. YOUR OWN SAKE!!! Please remember! If you don’t know nor want to neither support nor encourage us, just shut you freaking mouth up! Leave us alone rather than just being a drama queen. Please kindly stop bitching around! Don’t try causing trouble and stop stirring us! That’s too much to bear! Why don’t you just go hand in hand to improve something we are running? It’s just for your own sake! Not for us! I’m tired of being kind to you!”

God help me, I’ve never thought that I could come up with such things. But it’s unbearable and I think I should let it out sometimes. I can’t hold in. It’s been years! Well, who know? I would speak it out in person and leave someday when it’s reached up. I wish I could be blunt to that person! I wish I could make it.

I can’t think of anything just now. It’s so miserable. I’m looking forward for the change.
CHANGE! CHANGE! CHANGE!

Days we're going through....

Sometimes we go through the day by learning to be where we are.
Sometimes we go through the day by listening to silence.
Sometimes we go through the day without really listening to what others are saying to us.
Sometimes we go through the day by probably hearing the words, but we aren't absorbing the message.
Sometimes we go through the day by finding ourselves focusing on past experiences or future possibilities.
Sometimes we are so involved in yesterday and tomorrow that we never even notice that today is slipping by.
Sometimes we go through the day rather than getting something from the day.
Sometimes we are everywhere at any given moment in time except living in that moment in time.
Sometimes we go through the day by capturing each moment so that is becomes a new part of what we are and of what we are in the process of becoming.
Sometimes we go through the day by not something we do, but something we experience.
Sometimes we go through the day by finding the meaning of going through the day itself.
And sometimes we go through the day by washing time to obsess with all of these.

I stay where I am...

I sit and think why everything always comes and goes all of a sudden? Unexpectedly, they came as hurricane, but just a blinking eye, it quickly faded away like winds. I gave up. I ignored all. I blew it. And It shivered me. So so low and so regret.

The golden chance of oversea work and the scholarship. I gave up just so easily and now sitting and thinking with so much regret. It's so pathetic. It's too painful. It’s so shivery.And that’s what I used to think, “One thing lead to another, our lives got peppered by so many happenings and one will never really know what is in line until things happen.” And now it happened, and then, gone away.

I just blew the chances.

***

I hate being a loser. I hate being lack of confidence. I hate being a dependent. I hate being so vague. I hate being indecisive. I hate being oversensitive. I hate myself when I’m happy, I’m extremely happy, but when I’m sad, I’m extremely sad. I should be more independent and be able to make self-decision wisely.

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?

Though I know where the fruit is, but I fear to go and get it.
That is simply how I live myself everyday and that’s how I get is… nothing, nothing at all.
I dare give much hope to get better, but I dare not step to go further.
Many chances that I didn't grab with my both hands.

I sometimes have this feeling.
The feeling that bad things will happen and sth will not be successful.
Why do I have such pessimism?
Because the lack of self-assurance. Especially, when someone who grants me the opportunity and put the thrust on me, but I just somehow fear of making mistakes which make them disappointed. If the chance I got just eventually comes to me by nobody-I-know offer me, for sure I will go for it, no matter how many the deals of failures I am going to have.

Sometimes, I hate being ME.

I should learn from these inspired quotes:

- Dare to be naive.
~Buckminster Fuller

- Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.~Author Unknown

- Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. ~Author Unknown

- The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
~ William Jennings Bryan

- We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal and then leap in the dark to our success.
~ Henry David Thoreau

- Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's.
~ Billy Wilder

- Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, and catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
~ Mark Twain

- Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.
~ Frederick B. Wilcox

- All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.
~ Henry Miller

- To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.
~ Soren Kierkegaard

- Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
~ David Lloyd George

- I would rather fail in an attempt at something new and uncharted than safely succeed in a repeat of something I have done.
~ A.E. Hotchner

- Wherever there is danger, there lurks opportunity; whenever there is opportunity, there lurks danger. The two are inseparable. They go together.
~ Earl Nightingale

- Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.
~ Vaclav Havel

- A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
~ George Bernard Shaw

- - I don't want to come to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
~ Diane Ackerman

- I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
~Pablo Picasso

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
~Cynthia Heimel

- You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
~Wayne Gretzky

- Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
~Author Unknown

- Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure.
~Author Unknown

- It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves.
~André Gide

- Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

- Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.

~Ray Bradbury

---

- Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?

~ Frank Scully

DO NOT QUIT

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
So don't give up, though the pace seems slow
For you may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
it seems to a fain and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure, turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Will you quit?
Yes
Nope!

What family is all about...

I’ve stopped reading for a long while to ease my eyes in better condition. Many books I have not yet read. I wish I should be blessed with a good pair of eyes. Once I start reading one, I couldn’t help myself to stop.

I just finished For The Roses, another brilliant old series from Julie Garwood, which I bought from used book store. Julie combined the Old West and England to create an incredibly entrancing tale with a caste of unique characters filled with humor and appealing. The idea of this story shows “What family is all about” which there will be moments when we will laugh and cry, and others when the warmth and love captured here will enfold one in its powerful embrace. Julie explores the heart and soul of a family whose love and loyalty will truly inspire. All men characters in this story has their unique qualities which are wisdom, compassion, resourcefulness, orneriness, protective, loving, bizarre with full of sense of humor, intelligence, tremendous capacity to love… etc. And they used those qualities to protect their family members.
In this story, Julie definitely brings out the quality of being a man.

The story started from four urchin boys, Adam, Douglas, Cole and Travis, found an abandoned baby girl in a basket in a NYC alley, named Mary Rose, headed to West to raise the baby to a lady, and formed the wonderful and wacky family, Claybornes. Then Mary Rose’s identity came to call for her with a gentleman, Harrison, who made his effort in searching for his employer’s long-lost daughter, Lady Victoria. Mary Rose figured that if she didn't interfere, this handsome Englishman would get himself killed, so she took him home to her ranch. Soon enough they possessed a deep and desperate love for each other and became husband and wife before Harrison revealed a secret about her true identity as Lord Elliot’s daughter and proved Claybornes that he is fast with a gun, quick with his fists and he is an attorney.
After knowing the true, she decided to go to England paying his father a visit, but her soul hungered for the freedom of the American West. Her relatives in England including his father wanted to change her to the picture of a proper Lady and tried to make the best for her better than getting to know her real or understand her true feeling. She found it is hard to accustom with the difference, especially the deal with all the disciplines and the rules which English well-richer must obey in order to be a proper Lady. At last, they could sort thing out after having her father understand the real of her when she left him back to West without letting anyone know. And a runaway slave Adam, the eldest of Claybornes also found his freedom from accusing of being a murderer by having Harrison as his attorney and their family's support.



After reading this story, I have to have my eyes break for another long while. Lolzzz
Anyways, I love every scenes of when Claybornes family was at their supper table. Those arguments and teasing one another bring out the blissful moment of the family.

***
Btw, Harrison reminded me of My Mr. Perfect. lolz

Another Daydream!

God, Gimme gimme gimme pls!

Waiting entire life for GOD to give me this digital reader!
Whahahahahahahaha