when i become a mommy....

When I become a mommy to a little girl, I’ll tied her hair up with a crochet flower hairpin, dress her in a short flower swirly skirt with a white cotton spaghetti strap blouse and a pair of ballerina shoes, then we’ll go on road trip to find out why birds live in trees, butterflies can fly and what makes blue skies blue.

And when I become a mommy to a little boy, I'll dress him in a knee-length khaki jean with a white T-shirts, a pair of sneakers and a cap, then we'll go on adventure to find out why the mountains are high, the lakes are wide and what makes blue oceans blue.

that's what storm is all about.

Taken on the way from PS to BTB, where you can always see the wide opened bluest

and blackest sky with masses of floating clouds.

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you.

So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

— Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)

Old & Grey & in love.

Mr.&Ms. Opal & Amethyst Love.

Well, don't you want to be mine? I mean, to be one of them???
Stay calm and become my toys! I've never owned a Human Toy. Be mine, plz!!
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Taken when I tucked them in and sing a good night song. lolz

Every moment I look at my new toys, 'Aging' & 'Future' & ‘Forever’ are on my dictionary of the day. Besides continue eating everything that life put in my plate, best or worst, I try to consume more supplements that I think it is the best nutrition for nurturing my faith.

Because one day, even the young will be old. Those children, playing so happily in the park, will be the elderly men and women who sit on the bench watching another generation ride those swings. I wonder on what I want to take with me into the future and what I can preserve from the present and the past. If I can take my faith along with me, my hope, my tolerance, and my belief in the better side of human nature... perhaps, I can ensure that the most important part of me never ages.

So let's fill our heart with LIGHT and LOVE.

And... let's get married, singletons! lolz jkd.

Solitude's day

It sounds weird, but I love every moment of it. I celebrate it whenever I fully have my space and my privacy which I rarely do. So I called it Solitude’s day because it’s the day I bring myself to date and pretend that I’m in relationship with myself. I treat myself like I want others to treat me, I bring myself to where I want to go, and eat anything I want to eat without having treated by others. It’s the day I’m a foolishly spendthrift, but come on, I just want to have some nice treat for myself and yeah, it’s what all about, which sounds insane, but I enjoy it and I did it, like 4 times already.

So today what I’ve done are:

- Get 264pcs photos printed
- 10 movies & 5 music cds/
- 2 more swimming suits
- Get my hairs trimmed
- Grabbed a very nice coffee I’ve been longed for.
- Choco cookie & banana bread. I love it at best.
- Gym / Swim / Jacuzzi/ Steam
- Lay there by the pool and listening to soft music and enjoy the riverside view and the moon with salad in my mouth.
- Grab a very nice Party Garden for on the go.

Those things I've done on my solitude's day are something I usually do, but not alone. The only thing I love about my solitude’s day is, I did all the things alone and FREELY!!! Plus, everything I eat, it tastes so great. I mean I’m able to smell it, to taste it in a way that I don’t know if there’s any crisis out there, because I have all my time here, because I think of nothing, talk of nothing, because I don't have to listen to everything, and I don't need to say anything and let's just forget about the phone!

Ummm anyway, maybe I celebrate it only when I'm single, or I still can after marriage. hahahaha you know like, "Hey darl, here's the deal! let's just have our own solitude's day once a month!" lolz.

The remain of the day.

Maybe it's beyond what you expect.
The impossible expectation you yearn for after a long tiring day.




I've finally traveled 24 provinces and I'm proud of it.

During my travels, I fell in love often with countryside, esp. BTB where I could see beautiful clouds move back and forth; PL where you could never tired to enjoy the bluest sky on the summer day; MDKR where you can find the most greenest place for a better escape; RTNKR where you can see the most beautiful stars, and sky; KCG, the most peaceful place I once I think might end up there at my very old age... etc.

And maybe there's one noisiest, muddiest, and stressful place where you chase your life for life, but then, and the end of the day, if you could find something less stressful, but yet beautiful and romantic, that would be the best warming moment of the days. Like a quote from a book below:

"Beyond the wall that marked the end of the terrace, I could see for miles around the windows and back yards of the neighboring properties. A lot of the windows were lit, and the ones in the distance, if you narrowed your eyes, looked almost like an extension of the stars. This roof terrace wasn't large, but there was definitely something romantic about it. You could imagine a couple, in the midst of busy city lives, coming out here on a warm evening and strolling around the potted shrubs, in each other's arms, swapping stories about their day."

I particularly like the last line.

And for some reason, I'm stricken by this picture. It's taken on the 32th floor of Canadia Tower. I've never seen something like on the day time with my naked eyes, except the last 3 years I was on the plane. But it's definitely something else I utterly fell about it. Because I see it with a feeling. Because right now, it gives me a glimpse to remind me how life eat me up from the inside with my everyday stress and strain.

Last 3 years, it was the beginning, it's hard to see everything with my true feeling.
And today, I have plenty of times to be torn in between, to shout, to scream out loud and to tell what I've been feeling and how my days look like.

And that's SUCK!

M-Mum.

It's May. And it's Mother's Day. Soon. Time for present. At least, something to make the day for our beloved people. Like, this is my motto now, when you come from a trip, don't forget a little gift. At least, to me. Because maybe I've grown up receiving those from Uncle & Dad. And at this age, I feel like I'm following their footsteps.

So speaking of which, there's something I think it's really cute about it. From the very since, Dad always gets mum a make up kit, which I think why doesn't he just get her a lipstick instead? Because mum doesn't wear make up, except lipstick! Mum never get the reason why he always get her that, though how much he doesn't like when women with a make-up on.



Well, I got presents from mum and mum-to-be bestie.

Happy Mother's Day.
And this blow-your-soul-away song, which is written by Rachel Aldous*, is for my mum & mum-to-be bestie, as well as mothers in the world who loves their children unconditionally.

I’m imperfect but I perfectly love you.
I love you dearly and Happy Mother's Day.




*See Rachel Aldous heart-felt interview here and below is the song called, 'A Mother's Prayer'.