22. Older. Grateful.

I’m 22 years old, and I’m starting to build the block around me. This is when I start pretending that I’m strong, believing that I will grow stronger than I was and than I am. I’m 22 and I learn to find the reasons to believe. I found some. I’m 22 and I know I change a lot. I'm 22 and I'd like to think that I'll get better with time, in allowing myself to pursue the source of inspiration and potential contentment and not being self-indulgent. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to rush it. Everyone has their moments. That's inspired me when I turned to 22 years old.

More-than-Thank to all your best wishes, gifts, sms-es, phone calls and your all posts here and here. You have no idea how grateful I am of having you all.

I always love the feeling of surprise and excitement rushing through my body. I love the feeling of the heart beat. And I’m fortunate enough to encounter those moments in my life.

The most important thing about birthday is not related to gifts and such, but your people who always make you feel loved.

Like every year, I spent my day with bong bong first, then the following days with my other friends. Yesterday, after I got home with wide grin and asked mum her whether she has present for me. But she said, “you’re old enough not to get any birthday present from us.” I then said, “Well, I don’t mind. But sorry to say that I’ll consider all the money I owe you as my birthday present. haha.” She laughed. Then I announced, “Deal!"

I fell asleep with those contentment after sms-es and phone calls, thinking it's my day, my lovely day.

And that’s how my day ended.
I’m grateful.

Quantitative Study on Love and Sexual Relationship on V-day 2009

I used to post about a public presentation of two research finding about Valentine's day last year. And now check out the final quantitative study on Love and Sexual Relationship amoung young people in Phnom Penh on the Valentine's day 2009.

Reports to download:

- Abstract of the quantitative on the study
- Final quantitative study on Love and Sexual Relationship on Valentine's day 2009
- English final report on young people talking about Valentine's day 2008
- Khmer final report on young people talking about Valentine's day 2008


By Tong Soprach, MPH, Independent Researcher

---

Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now





Boy it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say

[Chorus]
I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me
And maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me

And I've kept all the words you said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow
But the truth is that I've been screaming out

[Repeat Chorus]

I should've been chasing you
You should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
Oh you should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
And maybe you could've made me believe
That what we had girl
Oh that what we had, what we had
It was all we'd ever need
It was all we'd ever need

---

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Hahaha i love this quote title.

Anyway, I just got this link from a friend of mine, Pheak, who has much passion for photography. He’s in progress of learning to take more nice photos. And now he’s curious to capture couples with/without wedding dresses. I suggested he would ask my cousin, Bong Thuch and Bong Mab to pretend to be a couple for his photography. lolz Dang! Can’t imagine!

I told him I will be his model for couple/wedding photos! Only when I get married! haha But first thing first, we have to find a groom! lolz he promised to find the most suitable one so that he could take my pictures asap! Oh that's wonderful! lolz

So btw, check out some wonderful yet romantic photos of this talented guy, Jon Low, my friend gave me. I think his work is awesome!

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
~Mignon McLaughlin

----

Today I feel so good since the morning come. After answering some caring questions Dad and mum asked about my disease, I somehow realized that I always have reason to go on, I always have my people which always lift my spirit up when I’m down. Just I forget about it at times. The more I’m growing older, the more I feel lonely, but the more I feel closed to Dad and Mum and the more they emotionally show their worries and more opened toward me.

The Reason I Go On

…When I'm feeling down
The mention of your name
It lifts my spirit up.
It makes me carry on,
When I don't have the strength
Your faith can heal me.
Like the sun that shines
You gave me light to see….


I really love this song. It helps me sleep peacefully at night. For all Celine Dion songs, besides its beautiful meaning, I feel like flying in the sky while listening. She always and for always has an amazing voice.

I wish I could have someone to lift me up when I’m feeling down. I really do.
For these past months I’ve been feeling so isolated and left-out. I got no one at all for sharing my inner emotion. Is it the true feeling of growing older?

I doubt of the reason of everyone which make them to go on with life.
Can anyone tell me?

So I don’t really know what to write more here. Maybe about book again? Well, yeah I’m currently reading Snow Flower and The Secret Fan by Lisa Lee which Nathary lends me. I tell you I really have hard times of putting this book down.


Because of this book, I’m starting to realize about my true feeling of being so emotional, left-out and lonely.

While reading each part of this book, I got so countless things in mind. As well, I also got many comments and reaction to the story. I wish I could collect my thought and write the plot and on what I think about this story. But I have hard time of recollect or remember what I’ve read, just like when I listen to something through one ear and leave by another.

Anyway, I just updated my twitter. But honestly, I don’t really have idea what Twitter is all about. Still updating though.

I really and desperately wanna go to beach. If J.Nha can't go with me, I might consider to go alone. Umm Perhaps. Perhaps.

Oh Feb!

My favorite month has arrived and I feel… well, good! At least, after few days off, sleeping at home and got sick. But still cough my lung out though. Feel badly bad since I’ve spread my virus to everyone in office, esp the cousin. Well I just feel so bad.

Today is Nathary birthday, as well as my ex-colleague’s of mine. Next is gonna be my cousin who turns to be 30 and other cousin turns to 4. I got birthday line up on this Feb, including mine... lolz

So Chinese New Year is coming around the corner, and I’m glad we’re gonna have 3 days off, which is pretty much I wish for. I hope plan won’t be changed. I wish I could be able to go to beach or sth.

Oh yeah, Valentine’s day! Guess it’s gonna be another same old Valentine’s day! Forget it.

And Tonight, J.Mey is off to Canada to live with her husband, Eric. Hope you have a happy life there and, and, and your many babies to come. lolz

Well, I'm glad I'm going to Siem Reap again around 7th-8th, but alone!!! Hmmmppphh really need a company! I'm planning to spend time in searching for more used books there. Teeheeee

So… Happy Birthday Nathary!

That’s bad you didn’t remember today is your birthday, were you hit by a rock or sth, or you’re just trying to forget you get a year older?
Haha

This year your birthday reminds me
That I really want to say
I’m very glad I know you;
I hope you enjoy your birthday,
All the pleasures it has in store,
And because I appreciate you,
I hope you have many more!