December

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Hihihi December!

You know what it comes to my mind knowing it’s December? Yeah, Alvin and The Chipmunks song suddenly pop up in my head, “Christmas Christmas time is near, time for joy and time for cheer!...” Okay, not that I’m into Christmas-thingy nor I’m a Christian, but just I used to have fun on Christmas last two year. And what I know about the true meaning of Christmas is time for LOVE.

Okay, that’s enough about Christmas.

I love December anyway.

Not because it’s great month of all. No. Just that December has constantly been a recovering month, or at least, to put it more correctly, it’s a month of struggling. Like last 2 years, I was in the middle of painful situation and trouble which I had to choose whether to give up or go for it, but then everything is fine when I end it by giving up. The reason? I don’t want to be a burden on someone’s life. I was told, "Don't quit. You have wasted a lot of time and energy for it." But no, I finally chose to quit! And here I am! In middle of other trouble.

I suddenly realized, "Oh well, trouble has no its end!"

Last year, I’ve also learned another inch to become a human being. And this year, yep, I think I’ve grown another inch and figured out a ton of things as well as a lot of mistake I made which I have to look at and correct. Well, at least, isn’t it for the best I can be as a human being, though I don’t like the progress at all. But I honor them anyway.

On top of that, I learn a lot from people. All the negative points I noticed and I try to balance myself not to be like one, while I’m having many to be figured out. It’s not that easy to scan our mistakes or any negative points of ourselves every minute. We can’t be imperfect. We really can’t. But I’m just restless. I just want everything fine. But it’s not as what I thought. Is it wrong to view this world in good way? I was told I’m too much to see this world full of roses. And there’s a voice keep bugging me, “Come on, live in reality, girl! Not in your own world!”

Well, whatever!

So now, I’m utterly inspired by a book, but still haven’t finished yet. A book which help me prepare to lift my spiritual growth. People seek how to develop their power their fame their popularity as I’m seeking to grow my spirit to be happy within myself, to avoid all suffering. Okay, I can’t be like Buddha after all. But at least, to save me from a number of suffering.

Like right now, I’m still in suffering! No, I’m actually recovering. Though I don’t have a chance to clear it up. Though It’s such a mess. But at least, it's not that tense. But I know everything can't be back like it was. A great bond of sisterhood.

Well, whatever! I won't go into the detail.

But I've committed myself to pretend that all is fine. How did I get on? Did everything that wasn't fine, suddenly become fine, just through the strength of pretense? I thought sometimes when we draw a veil over an issue that we would prefer not to look at or think about, we store up trouble for later. Sometimes too, though, we simply save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary worry. If we have been easily able to ignore a situation, the chances are that we are safe to leave it a while longer. If not, we had best look at it again.

Still, there’s something I learn from this situation. Learn to be patient. Learn to pretend. Learn to remain myself. Moreover, Learn from that certain person that I won’t take everything as assumption, I won’t try to analyze someone or any situation, I will still keep the thought that there’s always a certain reason behind everything. Okay, I still keep my positive thought.

So people come to your life to teach you something. And here, a phrase I keep on my mobile display every time:

“What has this person been sent to teach me? What quality am I lacking in this moment that is making me suffer? Patience? Tolerance? Or else? Ok, I don’t have to react. I can remain centered.”

Don't you think it's nice to remember?
It's a good way to keep myself in control. At least, for me.

So..

By the way, Happy Birthday to J.Nha


To an old woman who is such a dear sister to me. lolz
To her who barely talk her heart out, but I see her wear her heart upon her sleeve.
To her who I rarely have time for her, and her who doesn't even have time for me, but we run to each other when we have trouble.
To her who has a really good heart for everyone.
To her whom we have such memory together.

To her who I love.

All well-wishing go to you J.Nha. Hope your dream are fulfilled. But don't forget me or you will die!