How far do I have to go to get to you...

My birthday was 3 days ago. So I’m 23 turning to 24. I don’t like the number, I tell you. heehee... Will anyone care to tell me how it was like being 24, 25 and 26? I want to know. I wish I could have done something I want to do, but well, I’ve now grown addicted to the things I’m doing. It’s non-stop and there’s no point of turning back. And I care no more.

Well, nothing comes out from my losing brain. And I feel like everything around me is losing but I tempt to get attached with the current busy life. It’s been years I said it a lot to my people, “Sorry, I’m busy” which concerns me that I might end up living in this life forever which I don’t want to. Because I want to see the light until I reach the end of the tunnel. I’m still walking in it. No light. And. Pretty dark. When I bump into something, like wall and it hurts a lot, but there’s nothing I can do but keep walking and finding ways. It’s pretty sick.

Despite of everything, people do have some moments for themselves.
So I still have fun and lovely times and happiness.

What has in store for me this year? I don’t know. But I want to achieve the things I’m trying to do. I’ve never achieved anything in life, but knowing I’m trying my best, I still want to do more and know more and learn more and fail more and hurt more and hope more and especially, love more. I want to experience all those things a person who I’m looking up to goes through.

And I love these songs a lot.

*** At KGC for works and family matters. Right now, I think a lot about my dad, my uncle, and my bestie.

Another month, another story. Or anyway, a very similar story…

January was great. What I mean is everything is up and down normally, like how life supposed to be. And here come February. Nothing special. But I like how they say February is the month of love. Look, for the first day of Feb, I've heard the best news of marriages here and there, especially for my bestie.

L: Hey, you know what?
Me: What?
L: I've already passed.
Me: What?
L: I've passed the EXAM.
Me: What exam?
L: Our marriage!
Me: What??!!! Seriously?
L: Yes!
Me: Tell me more.
L: The date is already set. 17th March.
Me: What?? This fast?
L: Yeah. and one more thing.
Me: What?
L: I must have baby by Rabbit year!
Me: WHAT???
---

It's a big surprise. She made me say "what! what! what!" a lot, which in khmer, I was like, "Ei ke?"

I told mum right away after I got home and she brought the topic of how she thinks I'm lesbian again. Alright. Great.

Anyway, birthdays are in the air. You know it just smells good, except that we're aging 1 more year. I have a plan for my day, but knowing definitely that this month is going to be another hectic month, forget it.

But nonetheless, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, N!!!
My wish is very simple like this... Wish you love, happiness and success.
You have far to go, remember!!! heehee

it's being unfolded, and there is you.

So 2010 has passed already.
It was another year of learning.

Remembering it was my baby step, and I was tremble, stumble and finally fell.

Taken on 31th Dec, before the countdown night.
And I love this picture a lot.

However, welcome to 2011.

I know we have been here for a while already, but it's been a hell of week which I think perhaps it is time for me to make a formal acknowledgment of the fact and of all that render the New Year so special and significant.

I think this is the year I start drawing lines and making distinctions (Okay, I know I’ve said it many times already). But strongly, I want to make this year for me to accept and handle responsibilities where appropriate, and yet it is the year I should stop feeling guilty about factors that are entirely beyond my own control. I want to make it as my year of liberation and maturation.

So 2011 is here.
Yet it's another year to learn.

Even though, it begins with some confusion and low self-esteem. But I’m going to take all my energy to carry out my plans, restore my optimism and seek balance, though it is not an easy task.

Taken on 31th Dec, the countdown night.

We've been friend for 7 years and 2010 was the first time we've stayed together to welcome 2011.

She always dug out our best high school memories. On that countdown night, she told me about the time I had a little crush and that guy turned out to be gay!!! I jumped and was like, “WHAT?” which I didn’t remember a thing of this. lol

Well, she is a friend who make me feel young and always reminds me how to have fun again, yet she's a friend who reminds me how to feel our maturity.

cupcakes, chocolates and book!

What more do I expect???
This is one of best Christmas!!!!

From D.

From B.K-M-A.

From N!!!! GOSH I was swept away!
My stomach was leaping with flowers while driving back home!
Thannnnkkkks!!!!

How was your Christmas?
Mine was nothing!!! LOL
And this is the best treat from me on Christmas day in this blog!
Check this video out!

Part 1:

Part 2 and 3 is here and here.

MERRRY Christmas!!

Good morning, yesterday.

I woke up by the chill of the wind, but I kept sleeping. Then again I woke up by the ring of the phones. GREAT. I hate that part. Everyday. Even though, I wanted so much to sleep like I didn't need to care if there were a crisis out there. Okay, like it or not, I had to get up.

Taken at Pailin. Chet stole its seeds for me. Now it's growing.

Yesterday and the day after yesterday, I wanted so much to let the mountain off my chest. I was throbbing with those pains. I wanted to let those out as much as possible. I got to understand why people usually say ‘It’s hard to breathe in here.’ I experienced it twice. And I was like, 'Somebody kill me please!'

So I just need someone to talk with and to let it out. But then I ended up being a listener instead. GREAT again. Alright, never mind. I barely bring myself to speak what my mind want to. I barely pin it down, let alone to to speak it out. Plus, whenever I started talking about my bummer or so, I often feel like 'Crappy crap! Cut it out! It's pretty much boring! Not that person want to hear your story as you want to hear theirs!'

Okay, maybe this is the reason why I'm always a listener.

So, out of blue, yesterday, after I got home, I determined on coming up with some tools of inspiration, but then I failed it. Because every minute I tried to make sense of everything, I was totally overwhelmed. Because I felt as though, if things didn’t ease up soon, I will just blow a fuse. Okay. I did it many time already.

But, suddenly I thought I should come up with something better to cope with. To give it a go, I need to lay it out on paper in order to pin it down, rather than let it slip in and out through my freaking brain.

---- Okay, not that I’ll post the list here----

Alright, after this half an hour later, I’ve done some of it. It came out well. It flew like running water. I’m amazed. I’ve never wanted to list things down and planned to keep everything in check like this. I’m no good at it. I don’t know it goes with plan, but I’ll try to follow up anyway. I need a lot of efforts. But if I fail, I’ll give it up. Because this mean I'm DEFINITELY not organized person.

So this plan will be my revolution for next year also. Some must to be started on January and some on the following months and run until June-July.

Apart from it, during the time I watch my sunflowers grow, I too determine to plant myself.
Btw, all the trips are officially canceled. Great. I've seen its coming.
But I've made another plan with my besties. Hope it will go well. Because this time, I really want to spend time with them on this New Year. I want to make it as ONE of those Times Of My Life also.

And this song is on top of my playlist. So inspiring.

I'm an INFP, and you?

I found this test is pretty much interesting. It, at least, is 85% true.

And with couple time I tried the test, I still got INFP which described as Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving. With these qualities, I googled them around and found it's quite interesting, you know, rather than horoscope-something.

In this Portrait of an INFP page, they explain about INFP's personality as an idealist. And with this page, they talk about the INFP's types and personal growth and stress, which is much more interesting. Speaking of which, this page and this page, they describe about INFP's relationships, strength, weakness, as lovers, parents and friends. Oh I like it!

And there are some points below I laugh about as being an INFP:

This is about stress which is pretty much true: "As with all NFs, the INFP will feel lost and perplexed at stressful times. As stress builds, INFPs become disconnected from their own personality and perceived place in life. They will lose sight of who they are in relation to time and place. They may not make basic observations, while instead they will focus on the more abstract and symbolic meanings of a particular interaction. This can sometimes baffle those who expect more direct communication and a fairly concrete relationship."

And wow this part is somewhat did a wake-up call for me: "INFPs are withdrawn and are sometimes hard to get to know. Some may view them as shy. But those that take the time to get to know them will find them warm and gentle, with a surprising sense of humor. They care deeply for those they consider special friends. Putting forth-unusual sacrifices to help such individuals. They often have a subtle, tragic motif running through their lives — inner pain and unease which others seldom detect."

And this one, it's so true!!! "INFPs are not naturally interested in administrative matters such as bill-paying and house-cleaning, but they can be very good at performing these tasks when they must. They can be really good money managers when they apply themselves."

And this one is a good part to consider about: "Think of a situation in your life in which you were not sure how to behave. Now try to understand how one or two other people would see the situation. Do not compare their behavior to your own, i.e. “she would know better than me what to do,” or “why is it so easy for her, but so hard for me?”. Rather, try to understand how they would see the situation. Would it be seen as a problem, or as an opportunity? Would it be taken seriously or lightly? Try to determine their point of view without passing judgment or comparing it to your own."

But I like this part a lot... this is INFP's motto: "To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive – to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before.” — Rollo May

and how's about you??? Check out this test here.

There are time that life is just beautiful...

Less depression, but half full stress.
All I can see is greeeeeeeeeennnnn!!!

taken at Pailin.

1- Everything is fine. Everything is good and I developed such a good positive thinking, except that a lot of money went through my pocket. Heck! I don’t know how to survive this month. No, I meant I can survive, except that where I can get money for trip(s) I’ve planned this end of the year?? HOW???? I hate it when I can’t manage my expense wisely. I don’t know how. I don’t have a brain to think about every single penny I spend. Okay, I hate being so detailed on spending money, even with people. I can’t stand with meanies people. I remember what granny told me, “Never get near to mean guy!”

2- Alright, anyway, after all, I don’t know if my plans will go with hand from Christmas to New Year. Koh Kong Trip with family, VN trip with my ladies and KL trip with BB. Yay! please please please! Buddha helps me out! –Crossed finger- Guide me a way to go for MMM* source, and no works or project suppose to do during this time please! Okay, we gotta get everything solved and done before holiday though.

3- By the way, I eat out a lot almost every day. Look like I’ve been having much fun of out-going here and there. And I, for the time being, am in the mood of party as well. Guess, I'm gaining some more weight. Arrggghhh awful! But i love trying some new places. You know, food! Food-lover! I should marry to a master chief! HAHAHA

4- Well, there’s no way we don’t have play-time while working our head off. Work hard & Play harder! LOL... Travel, Shopping, Night Outing, Eating, Working, Playing seems to be what NOV & DEC is all about. I look what in store for me to end this fruitful year!

5- I almost finish every book of Sophie Kinsella. I can’t bring myself to finish the last one, Mini Shopaholic, since I’ve spent almost every night eating out and I craved for sleep more than anything else. Well, there are season changing for everything. Even the season of heart! HAHAHA Right now, my season should be SPRING!

6- Okay, this time around, I feel like I want to have a baby! UTTERLY!!! Because I love BEE & Belle and this girl. This thought is really going wild. I can't help it! LOL... Well, there are time I thought, what if I wanna be a single mum?? No way! Mum will kill me!

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*MMM=MakeMoreMoney