Saturday, June 19, 2010

You hold the special place in my heart...

For both of you.
For both wonderful fathers.
For the only greatest men in my life.
Dad and Uncle.

CIMG3075

Taken at Prek Kampi, Kratie

Happy father’s day!

I send all my deep love to you both, Dad and Uncle, for being the only best men of all in this world to me. There’s no way I will say “You know what? I love you so much” in front, but I speak it through my heart.

You have no idea how much I love you!

Dad, when I call you "Dad", it explains all the things I'm grateful about. You taught me life, you taught me everything I need to know. Not only taught, but showed me. You're exceptional. I get to think all the things you've done for me. Too much for me to give you back. Though you might can't get me the moon, but I've got your love. Instead, I want so much to get the moon for you. but I know it's not that easy, but I try anyway. I'm glad I was and am able to do those little things for you. I'm profoundly grateful, though it's not enough, though it can't be compared to what you've done. Anyway, I always miss our old times. I miss everything. I put a blame to universe! How on earth this world need to spin? What I miss the most is how I often hugged your tummy all the time even in front of people. How come I’ve never showed this affection and intimacy to you for all these couple years? Not that I’m too shy, because I’ve been so stress out lately with all the things I’m doing. And you know what? I’ll change to who I used to be. I'll hug you more.

Uncle, you’re always a daddy to me. Everything you taught me, showed me, manifest me, shaped me to the person I am today. Your strong and firm, yet sweet personality. You know how much I want to duplicate you? I’ve been waiting for the person like you to show up, but I know there’s no such a miracle. Maybe he did show up and it was all like a magic, but you know what? Everything never happened according to plan. And with this, I learned how to acknowledge the facts and the qualities and love and all. And I think I should stop waiting the person like you anymore. Because I think I should love him for being him from my heart, not because he's like you or he has the same qualities and personalities like you. But all I merely want to say is: without warning, I tried to look for YOU in my man-to-be. And that was silly! LOL

So you both are a role model to me. You play the most important role in my life.

I'm blessed.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

You were there for summer dreaming, And you gave me what I need.


Listening to:
Robbie Williams
Mood: Sentimentally great! LOL

Tonight is exceptional.
I'm half way with "Shanghai Girls" by Lisa See I got from SR few days ago. Unusually, on the way back on bus from SR, I missed my younger sister terribly. And now again,.But this time, I get to think all those things we fight over at day and sleep by hugging each other at night.

All right, I think this time is another random post:

1 - Sometimes, like this time, I come across at the thought of the things I want to make in my old age, besides getting married and have kids. A woman in me has this secret dream. I love vintage. I love home-made. Last time I told mum and she laughed at it. Because I told her I want to be a fine cook; I want to make vintage cotton dresses; knitting and I want to make those handmade stuffs (Which I can create a small clubs for women). Because I’m worst at cooking, and plus I don’t really know how to make dress, except I used to make my Dolls some clothes when I was little. LOL. Or is it just a fad? But I'm sure it's my passion. BUT I have another dream. This dream was inspired by someone I like. He said he plans to run a Manga café, where there are coffees to drink, books to buy and books to read for free. I always miss how I argued him over it. LOL. Well, if there’s a Manga café first open in Cambodia, I’m sure it’s his.

2 - I surprised mum, just like how she surprised me. The worst thing is she’s been keeping on at me about marriage. It really hurts my ears. But last time, I told her “What do you think if I plan to be single and live my life alone? I could adopt a child or buy a sperm? What if I learned to be a good cook, make those vintage cotton clothes, and handmade stuffs? Isn’t that interesting?” She jumped and said, “SILLY!” LOL. Well, I know that won’t be happened. Nonetheless, honestly, I somehow really think about it.

3 - I get to think that how I like fighting with mum and like doing what mum hate, but there are time we’re really a team! LOL. Is it because of two Dragons in a house? There’s always harmony and clash at the same time? Which is why there’s Mouse who calm us down! LOL. I don’t want to count my Monkey and my little Pig in! All right, too much of Chinese Zodiac, perhaps, because of Lisa See’s books. LOL.

4 - I tempt to make my room like these pictures below. I prefer small bed, or maybe no need of bed, just two mattresses placed on one other to create the height, that’s enough. Because I like it better to be on the floor, esp when sitting and lean on mattress. And yeah, a small book shelf with warm light and my books filled in, along with some photographs. Maybe I could have a Telly, DVDs player, small closet and a vertical mirror, that’s all I need. It’s not a perfect one, or it's closed to a messy, but it looks comfy and cozy yet privacy and so individual and so personal to me. At least, it’s much better than mine nowadays! LOL.(Oh, anyway, I just noticed myself that I tend to sleep on the edge of the bed. I thought, at home, because I have many stuffs on bed but no, even I sleep on big one and have nothing at all, I still sleep on the edge. Anything can say about it? LOL.)


4 - I finished Shopaholic & Sister by Sophie Kinsella last month and I really love the last part when Becky and Jess reconciled. The point is I get to understand clearly about passion! And the compromising between two opposite individual’s personalities.

Real Passion: It’s much like obsession. Compulsion. Mania. Whatever. you name it! Nobody knows and understands us better than we do. Nothing can stop us from our determination. We could risk everything for our Passion. Take Becky and Jess for example, Becky could risk everything and bring herself into trouble just to get a pair of shoes while Jess would risk her own life for rocks.

Understanding & Compromising: We should learn to give in and accept our difference. I acknowledge that, for instance, Black is the opposite of White. Up is the opposite of Down. So, is Good the opposite of Bad? Not necessarily. Just an abstract concepts. What if you are a fan of heavy metal music and you are obliged to attend a performance of an opera? To you, perhaps, could seem like a kind of punishment. And what if you like something that someone else detests? The key to success involves understanding why someone else thinks something is good, even if you don't agree.

6 - STILL desperately want to know how to play guitar!!!! LOL


Buddha, I wrote very long. Sorrriiiiiii...
Good night.


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

It's been a while.

Hey I’m back.
It’s been a while and sorry I couldn’t get myself to write. This brain of mine is getting more rotten and I was kind of too lazy to blog, and also because I was kind of busy. Plus, I had nothing to blog about. I thought of not blogging about my routine or something personal, because I figured it was kind of boring, but then I turned to think that if I blog-for the sake of this rotten brain-it’s easier to remember in future.

Okay, there are too many to tell about, but to make it very short, let these few pictures tell you what happened to me partly and recently. You can see more pictures by clicking here.





It looks like a trip, but it's exactly not. We was in 8 provinces for BL's projects and now more to come and it's gonna be hell of bustling again from next weeks.

I just got some of views uploaded in my Flickr and moreover, I found that Tumblr is nice.

And I’m ready for another pack next week again and perhaps can't join my friend's wedding.

Anyway, I’ve been looking forward to say this, IT’S BEEN A BEST DAMN MONTH!

----Updated---
Sweat, sweat and sweat. My head also keep sweating every time. Which is why I got my hairs cut very shorts for the first time of my life. Though, it got me look like 35 years old lady. You know what? I don't care a bit about it, because bong Mab, Jeje, bong Jan and grandma said it's nice! Hahaha

---

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tuesdays With Morrie


Mitch Albom becomes one of my favorite authors now. I used to read, “For One More Day” long ago which lent by Nathary. And now “Tuesdays With Morrie” is another recommended by JenJen, my former colleague. I got my copy during mission to Siem Reap a week ago, and just finished few days ago during mission to Kratie. If you’re someone who interest in life’s lesson and wisdom, “Tuesdays With Morrie” is an exception to be recommended. It’s a last thesis together of the author, Mitch Albom and his professor, Morrie Schwardtz, while living but dying because of ALS disease. Please enjoy all the greatest quotes below attributed by Morrie Schwardtz.

---

Culture:

- The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it.

- People are only mean when they're threatened, and that's what our culture does...And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. It is all part of this culture.

- Every society has its own problems, The way to do it, I think, isn’t to run away. You have to work at creating your own culture.

Tension of Opposites:

- Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

- A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.

Love:

- Love wins. Love always wins.

- Love each other or die.

-The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.

- Let it come in. We think we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. But a wise man named Levine said it right. He said: Love is the only rational act.

- Love is when you are as concerned about someone else’s situation as you are about your own.

How Love Goes On:

- I’ve got so many people who have been involved with me in close, intimate ways. And love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.

- Part of the problem, is that everyone in such a hurry, People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they’re running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. They find those things are empty, too, and they keep running.

Forgiveness:

- Forgive yourself before you die. Then forgive others.

- We... need to forgive ourselves... For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have done. You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened.

- Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do. Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. Don’t assume that it’s too late to get involved.

- There is no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. These things I so regret in my life. Pride. Vanity. Why do we do the things we do?

Meaning into Life:

- So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

- Yet they gave up days and weeks of their lives, addicted to someone else’s drama.

Trust:


-...if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too--even when you're in the dark.

Friendship:

- we’ll just hold hand... we've had thirty-five years of friendship. You don't need speech or hearing to feel that.

Feeling Sorry For Yourself:

- Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people to trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too–even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.

- There are some mornings when I cry and cry and mourn for myself. Some mornings, I’m so angry and bitter. But it doesn’t last too long. Then I get up and say, ‘I want to live . . .'

Death and Ambition:

- ...the truth is... if you accept that you can die at any time--then you might not be as ambitious as you are.

- Everyone knows they’re going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently.

Family:

- The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family.

- If you don't have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don't have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, ‘Love each other or perish.’

- This is part of what family is about, not just love, but letting others know there’s someone who is watching out for them. Knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work.

Children:

- There is no experience like having children. That’s all. There is no substitute for it. If you want to have the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.

Material Things:

- Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent.

- You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.

Emotions:

- If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

- One day, I’m gonna show you it’s okay to cry.

- I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don’t let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how feel a surge of love for a partner but we don’t say anything because we’re frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship.

Dying and Living:

- When you learn how to die, you learn how to live.

- Don't let go too soon but, but don't hang on too long.

- Dying, is only one thing to be sad over. Living unhappily is something else.

Being a Child:

- We all know how to be a child. It's inside all of us. For me, it's just remembering how to enjoy it.

Youth:

- ...I know what a misery being young can be, so don't tell me it's so great.

-...in addition to all the miseries, the young are not wise. They have very little understanding about life.

Aging:

- Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it. You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven’t found meaning. Because if you’ve found meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can’t wait until sixty-five.

- If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow.

- You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue.

- How can I be envious of where you are--when I've been there myself.

Money and Power / Status and Showing Off:

- These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of hug back. But it never works. You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship. When you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you’re looking for, no matter how much of them you have.

- If you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down on you anyhow. And if you're trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.

- Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back.

Marriage:

- I've learned this much about marriage. You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't.

- There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike. And the biggest one of those values. Your belief in the importance of your marriage.

- I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell of a lot if you don't try it.

Shortsightedness:

- No matter where you live, the biggest defect we human beings have is our shortsightedness. We don't see what we could be. We should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can be come.

Needing Others:

- In the beginning of life, when we were infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right? But here's the secret: in between, we need others as well.

Being Number Two:

- What's wrong with being number two?

Important Questions:

- As I see it, they have to do with love, responsibility, spirituality, awareness.

Death :

- Death ends a life, not a relationship.

- The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.

- Even I don’t know what ’spiritual development’ really means. But I do know we’re deficient in some way. We are too involved in materialistic things, and they don’t satisfy us. The loving relationship we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted.

Relationships:

- As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. Death ends a life, not a relationship.

- There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like.

---

By the way, I’ve googled around for the summery and I found its quotations and analysis. Click here.


Monday, May 10, 2010

Pretend. Pretend. Pretend.

And enjoy what's good in your life.

Oops! I think I’m getting used with it.
I suppose I’ve been such a drama queen a lot in my life, in a good way though. lolz. Pretend that I never know everything. Hmmm

When it reaches the limit, I would rather leave if I found or feel that something or someone has wronged me, or if I’m at the point of frustration. It’s never easy for me to stage a confrontation, so I better leave. It’s hard for me to draw the line, because I’m so oriented toward relieving suffering in others, not creating more stress.

So I’ll see how long it’s gonna take to my limitation.

Anyway.

Finally, I feel relieved after frank conversation. I’ve been waiting for a long enough for R to be open to me. It hurts when you can’t be there for your loved one to console or to listen to her story.

Anyway.

Just back from Kratie, and thank Buddha, I didn’t have to pack my bag again for another week at provinces. The plan is prolonged, so I have some times for myself, or it might be changed overnight, who know? I don’t dare to plan anything at all, but make sure my clothes are washed for the next pack. lolz

Will post pictures later for the nice view I captured.

Anyway.

I’m glad I got 4 books during mission to Siem Reap a week ago.
I’m done with Tuesdays With Morrie during mission to Kratie few days ago, and the review will be next post. hehe


Ta-dah... Nathary? You see it right!
I got Snow Flower and The Secret Fan!!! Yay!

And this one too, Nathary! lolz

And.

I love these rings. Oh I do love it. Will think about making one for myself. A gift for myself. Maybe next year birthday? lolzz

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Dedicated to MakMak...


I Turn To You

by Christina Aguilera




When I'm lost in the rain
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way, when I'm scared losing ground
When my world is going crazy you can turn it all around
And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top
You're always there giving me all you've got

For a shield, from the storm for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you

When I lose the will to win
I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again
I can do anything 'cause your love is so amazing
'Cause your love inspires me
And when I need a friend you're always on my side
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For a shield, from the storm, for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong and for the will to carry on
For everything you do I turn to you yeah

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain
For truth that will never change for someone to lean on
But for a heart I can rely on through anything
For the one who I can run to oh I turn to you

For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm, I turn to you
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything you do, for everything that's true
For everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you.

---

And last night, I re-read “For One More Day” by Mitch Albom, lent by Nathary. But I read only the parts “The times mum stood for me” and “The times I didn’t stand for mum”

Btw, hope you had a wonderful Mother's day.

And I did.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Nothing but Bee & Belle


ត្រលប់មកពីតាមខេត្តវិញ​​ ព្រលឹមឡើងជូនម៉ាក់យាយទៅផ្ទះពូរិទ្ធ​ ព្រោះបង្កក់ ស្រី Belle ចេញខែ! ទោះជាងងុយគេង និងហត់ពីការបើកឡានឆ្ងាយយ៉ាងណា​ ក៏ត្រូវតែទៅដែរ ព្រោះចិត្តជ្រួលច្រាលចង់ជួប Bee & Belle! ខ្ញុំបី Belle​ រហូត!​ ចាស់ៗគាត់ថា ខ្ញុំចេះបីក្មេងទំនងណាស់! ហេហេហេ

ថៃ្ងឡើងរត់ទៅប្រជុំ ល្ងាចឡើងជួបវិបុល​ យក​ Laptop ដែលតំឡើងWindow 7 ថ្មី! អូ!​ ពិតជាអរគុណជាអនេកកបុ្បការចំពោះការខំប្រឹង​និងចំណាយពេលដ៏មានតំលៃ​។​

មកផ្ទះវិញ ប៉ាទេសនា​ Free ពីការប្រហើនហ៊ានបើកឡាន ពីកំពង់ឆ្នាំង ពោធិសាត់ បាត់ដំបង បន្ទាយមានជ័យ​​ សៀមរាប កំពង់ធំ​ និងកំពង់ចាម​ដោយអត់មានប្រុសៗទៅជាមួយ​ ហើយភែ្នកស្អុយទៀត!

ម៉ាក់ឆ្លៀតបន្ថែមល្បោយអំបិលប៊ីចេងទៀតថា សុទ្ធតែជាកំពូលស្រ្តីហើយ​​ មហាអស្ចារ្យ​ មហាលោតផ្លោះ!​ នាងហ្នឹងវាហ៊ានណាស់​ វាមិនគិតវែងឆ្ងាយទេ តែវាចង់ធ្វើអី វាធ្វើហើយ​ មិនបាច់និយាយទេ!!

ហេហេហេ​ អរគុណហើយចំពោះការសរសើររបស់ម៉ាក់ម៉ាក់!

និយាយអព្ចឹាង​ ប្រធានបទពិភាក្សាបែបឆ្កួតៗរបស់ក្រុមនារីនារីយើងនៅតាមផ្លូវ ភាគច្រើនគឺរឿងបង្គន់អនាម័យ។​ ពួកយើងបានជួបប្រទះការប្រើប្រាស់បង្គន់ចំឡែកៗនៅខេត្តបាត់ដំបង និងកំពង់ធំ!​ ហាហាហា ឃើញហើយហួសចិត្ត​ នឹកអស់សំណើច និយាយបីថ្ងៃក៏មិនធុញដែរ ប្រសិនបើបានជួបប្រទះឃើញផ្ទាល់នឹងភ្នែក!

ពិតជាបទពិសោធន៌ដ៏សំបូរបែបមែនសំរាប់ពួកយើងទាំង៥!

អូ!
គិតទៅ វាយអក្សរខ្មែរយូនីកូដសប្បាយម្យ៉ាងដែរហ្ន!

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