It has been quite a while...

... and it has been the moments of discovery that leave me gawking at how little I am in this world that is at once unfamiliar, big and scary and magnificent. I want to be who I used to be. That brave girl who is rabbit-headed and dragon-hearted in the face of uncertainty. I want to bet against the odds and to believe that there is more magic than fear in the unknown. I want to prove no one but myself. Above all, I want two hands to shape my dreams (our dreams) and two feet to take me there. Knowing that I've already grabbed by the waist by the most important and solid person in my life, I should fear no more. I know I'm not losing my way when I am with you. 

Some friends...

... make you feel young and remind you how to have fun!

We've known each other when we went for high school enrollment together.

Three years later, we met again and became friend at 10th grade.

We formed our group at 11th grade.

We've became best friend at 12th grade.

Now she's a wife of my friend and a mother to a 6 months old son!

It's been more than 10 years.

And she's the one who reminds me all the crazy and silly memories together.

And I still see us when we are old and become grandma,

we might still call each other "Anh & Haeng", in khmer: "អញ & ហ្អែង"

ពីរោះឡើងដាច់សាច់ណាស់​ មែនហ្អេ៎? Hahaha​

That's not good!

Who knows, we'll might call each other, "Yeay yeay", in khmer: "យាយ​ យាយ" instead.

I guess only our friends we've known from our childhood always use this improper words to call each other, but I know it makes us feel closed though.

Heeheeheee

ចុះអ្នកទាំងអស់គ្នាវិញ?

បែបហៅគ្នាថា​ អាងាប់ អាប្រកាច់ ហៅត្រកូលគ្នាម៉ាកំប្លេរ ដូចតែគ្នាហ្នឹង!​

My baby needs a pair of specs too!

Haahaa!

I miss us.

I miss all the craziness and silliness we shared.
I miss all the times we had just to talk, laugh, play, sing the songs and all that jazz.



It seems like yesterday.

Adorable stuffs!

I found Etsy is pretty nice. Those little things are just so, so and so adorable! I love those bangles and earrings. I’m thinking of customizing them with my birthstone and silver for my birthday. I know where to make it less expensive than that online shop. My birthstone is amethyst. So I need to find amethyst gemstone first. Where?!

I just need some inspiration

At the moment, I am craving that inward inspiration that gets me to just breathe and just be.

Taken from Eating Animal, Jonathan Safran Foer.

It’s been a while.

Of late, I have been restless and my hands, like a pair of conspiratorial malcontents, fidgety with dissatisfaction with... what? Maybe it’s the constant waiting and waiting for a whole bunch of things to happen.

I miss the feeling of certainty, of being anchored in something solid; I miss knowing. I miss being sure of where I’m supposed to be... I miss believing in the possibility of dreams. I miss taking pleasure in simple things. I miss looking in the mirror and not feeling like a stranger.

The remain of the day.

Maybe it's beyond what you expect.
The impossible expectation you yearn for after a long tiring day.




I've finally traveled 24 provinces and I'm proud of it.

During my travels, I fell in love often with countryside, esp. BTB where I could see beautiful clouds move back and forth; PL where you could never tired to enjoy the bluest sky on the summer day; MDKR where you can find the most greenest place for a better escape; RTNKR where you can see the most beautiful stars, and sky; KCG, the most peaceful place I once I think might end up there at my very old age... etc.

And maybe there's one noisiest, muddiest, and stressful place where you chase your life for life, but then, and the end of the day, if you could find something less stressful, but yet beautiful and romantic, that would be the best warming moment of the days. Like a quote from a book below:

"Beyond the wall that marked the end of the terrace, I could see for miles around the windows and back yards of the neighboring properties. A lot of the windows were lit, and the ones in the distance, if you narrowed your eyes, looked almost like an extension of the stars. This roof terrace wasn't large, but there was definitely something romantic about it. You could imagine a couple, in the midst of busy city lives, coming out here on a warm evening and strolling around the potted shrubs, in each other's arms, swapping stories about their day."

I particularly like the last line.

And for some reason, I'm stricken by this picture. It's taken on the 32th floor of Canadia Tower. I've never seen something like on the day time with my naked eyes, except the last 3 years I was on the plane. But it's definitely something else I utterly fell about it. Because I see it with a feeling. Because right now, it gives me a glimpse to remind me how life eat me up from the inside with my everyday stress and strain.

Last 3 years, it was the beginning, it's hard to see everything with my true feeling.
And today, I have plenty of times to be torn in between, to shout, to scream out loud and to tell what I've been feeling and how my days look like.

And that's SUCK!

I smile and shake my head, well we all write our own endings and we all have our own scars, but tonight I think I see what it's all about.

And I'm not gonna write it down. I'm saving them in my head.

Below is just some craps I want to get it off a little bit, which there are two things I'm really obsessed about:

1- Marriage & Pregnancy & Babies. I'm incredibly obsessed with it. Not because I want to get married, but I want to feel how it is to have a small living creature inside my tummy and how it is and how stress it is to be a master of everything with the new life. I want a change, really. I'm dying to experience it. Esp, when working on a new project related to it, I'm all for it. Anyway, so how to have baby without getting marriage? Single mom, i mean? Which is very INSANE, I know.

2- Health. Be aware of your well-being. Seek balance. We can't do anything without having a good health and I just realized it's very, very, and very important. So take a good care of yourself. Do regular check-up. Disease is everywhere and Stress is the worst of all in this new generation which lead to other illness. So, don't overwork yourself. Limit. Less ambition. Be Content. It's not fun when you're sick.

Anyway.

Homecoming by Vienna Teng.

This girl is really something. Epic.
After a long tiresome day, her songs calm my nerves.
And I'm feeling this beautiful song.

I just want to
be living as I'm dying
just like everybody here
just want to know my little flicker of time is worthwhile
and I don't know where I'm driving to
but I know I'm getting old
and there's a blessing in every moment every mile

Dear you, coffee & tea

My elegant-body mug of coffee looks really handsome on my desk! O.o

I successfully quit drinking you months ago. And I miss how your buddy, CL, everyday is full of you I longed for, but now it's being used for water. I bet your buddy miss having you in him too. However, without you, coffee, I amazingly lost 4 kg, but regretfully, nothing could give me a boost to start my freaking days ever. Who knows? I'm gonna get back to you someday. Just so you know, I can't stand a day without you. You lift me up! LOL

How about my not-that-big-ass mug of... Tea? No it supposed to be Honey! Look!!
Oh, just so you know, she's Asian. Yellowish! O.o

Teeeea time!!! Alright, I love you too, though not as much as I love coffee, but you, at least, help freshening up my days recently. I can start my days with a big-ass mug of you. Or maybe two. I now got other brand which comes in different kind of taste in one box and it's so classic!! Well, first it wooed me with its cute, colorful packaging and nice description, second, it reeled me in with it classic smell and great taste!!! Not that I forget about you, BonTea! But speaking the truth, It was just a willy-nilly chosen of you last time. Sorry. !O.o!

How far do I have to go to get to you...

My birthday was 3 days ago. So I’m 23 turning to 24. I don’t like the number, I tell you. heehee... Will anyone care to tell me how it was like being 24, 25 and 26? I want to know. I wish I could have done something I want to do, but well, I’ve now grown addicted to the things I’m doing. It’s non-stop and there’s no point of turning back. And I care no more.

Well, nothing comes out from my losing brain. And I feel like everything around me is losing but I tempt to get attached with the current busy life. It’s been years I said it a lot to my people, “Sorry, I’m busy” which concerns me that I might end up living in this life forever which I don’t want to. Because I want to see the light until I reach the end of the tunnel. I’m still walking in it. No light. And. Pretty dark. When I bump into something, like wall and it hurts a lot, but there’s nothing I can do but keep walking and finding ways. It’s pretty sick.

Despite of everything, people do have some moments for themselves.
So I still have fun and lovely times and happiness.

What has in store for me this year? I don’t know. But I want to achieve the things I’m trying to do. I’ve never achieved anything in life, but knowing I’m trying my best, I still want to do more and know more and learn more and fail more and hurt more and hope more and especially, love more. I want to experience all those things a person who I’m looking up to goes through.

And I love these songs a lot.

*** At KGC for works and family matters. Right now, I think a lot about my dad, my uncle, and my bestie.

Another month, another story. Or anyway, a very similar story…

January was great. What I mean is everything is up and down normally, like how life supposed to be. And here come February. Nothing special. But I like how they say February is the month of love. Look, for the first day of Feb, I've heard the best news of marriages here and there, especially for my bestie.

L: Hey, you know what?
Me: What?
L: I've already passed.
Me: What?
L: I've passed the EXAM.
Me: What exam?
L: Our marriage!
Me: What??!!! Seriously?
L: Yes!
Me: Tell me more.
L: The date is already set. 17th March.
Me: What?? This fast?
L: Yeah. and one more thing.
Me: What?
L: I must have baby by Rabbit year!
Me: WHAT???
---

It's a big surprise. She made me say "what! what! what!" a lot, which in khmer, I was like, "Ei ke?"

I told mum right away after I got home and she brought the topic of how she thinks I'm lesbian again. Alright. Great.

Anyway, birthdays are in the air. You know it just smells good, except that we're aging 1 more year. I have a plan for my day, but knowing definitely that this month is going to be another hectic month, forget it.

But nonetheless, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, N!!!
My wish is very simple like this... Wish you love, happiness and success.
You have far to go, remember!!! heehee

nothing better than this... you feel just like the sun... just like the sun.

I couldn’t keep track of the vision of life recently. Each event, it comes and go. It’s like over there, over there and up there (I love this sentence a lot, cuz I watched this).

The thing is, in time like this, I’ve bumped into many new inspirations, realizations and thoughts in a way that I could say, I CAN FEEL IT. IT'S IN MY BONE. But the problem is I couldn’t get a hold of what flied into my mind and to put it into words.

Taken on the rice field, Takeo.

For instance, it happens often when you’re on the way to somewhere. I meant, when you see ‘that’, and then you start talking about ‘that’, you’ll just create 'that useful thought’ in your mind. I don’t know how it happens to others, but me. Especially, when being in a moment, when it reminds me the books I have read, which I gain more perspectives from those. You know when you read, you would stop and think about what it's written, but when you bump into a similar situation, or see anything related to, you’ll just get to understand in a profound way. At least, to me, it happens this way. I'm deeply inspired and excited about those new wisdom.

Every now and then, those books I’ve read really change the way I think, and it has a positive effect to the way I am. So would you tell what the books that change your perspective are? If you ask me, I’d say, I give two thumbs up for MITCH ALBOM… You’ll never know until you read one. Thank Nathary for the lending me one, and JenJen for recommending me other one and I’m glad Bong Lod interests and so into his books too.

Here the quote I just love a lot from "Have A Little Faith" by Mitch Albom:

1- "Having more doesn't keep you from wanting more"

2- "They aren't perfect, but they don't need improvement. Why? Because it means you are willing to accept people as they are. Nobody is perfect. Not even mom and dad. That's Ok."

3- "You can embrace your own faith's authenticity and still accept that others believe in something else."

Anyways, recently I’ve been blessed to bump into these great moments. I don’t know why, but I just incredibly love those moments I had recently.

1- I've developed such great sentimental mood when I was on the way to some places and we shared about everything related to that places. One thing leads to another, that’s how our days beautiful days went by, bubbling with fun and amazing conversation blah blah blah. Of course, they are decent conversations. It made me feel like a part of home and family. It reminds me this. Because it's like a new getaway, from everything in this complicated and messy world, power, materialism... and all you can feel, see, listen, and touch is nature, nature, nature over there, over there and up there, with new good talks about life and great laughs... which made me love a great simple life more and more... That's exactly what I want to feel. Profoundly. Warm. Happiness. Beautiful.

2- Talked and listened to each other experiences, thoughts and wisdom. And that was the very first time, in person, I’ve ever shared what in my mind, what books I read, what books that prove positive things to think about, what books that change the way i think, esp with right question, with the right conversation, with the right persons. That’s when I feel comfortable and relaxing.

What can I say? I just loves those moments.

In any event…

I haven't written for long enough to drop one post.

… and July has came to sweep June away and it went faster than superman, the events that transpired just last month seem vague and unreal to me. Perhaps because there are many things I’ve came across and many relentless thoughts that have kept occupying my head. But I'm glad I'm getting busier and experience more.

Well, it'll be a year soon that I've been in my current job - a steep learning curve,that has a big impact on my behaviors in comparison to my previous job... a totally different playground, which resembled nothing, but mud.

Yet, despite of my lack of ability and capacity, I figured out of whole lots things in term of human characters. I get to understand how wild and cruel people can be... and how I choose to react/act on it and how much I expect from others. It reflects too much the very negative and weak sides of me. It reflects the very negative sides of people. I stop thinking that everyone is saint. Especially, despite of others, upon behaviors and betrayal of people I trust; care and I gave the most. That’s the shittiest things in life. Those people dug out the very worst parts of me. This is very frustrating.

In term of it, I’m getting scared… I need to feel comfort and secure ground -- in a place that is full of people who is realizable, who is serious, who is not annoying—in a place where people would tell me money & materiality is nothing.

... which make me miss my uncle. I miss how he would give me some logic on no matter what I have in my head.

However, I met a lot of men lately and it made me miss those men who have came to my life. That’s when I realized how chicken I was… how stubborn I’ve always been… and how the vision of my uncle perception and personality has greatly embraced my thought all along in view of any man.

…and anyway, in a strange way, I've missed writing. Yet the countless times I've tried to start... I'd not been able to elaborate on more than 3 sentences. Indeed, I have so much to tell, but I somehow find it hard to tell or to remember how excited, how hard it was, how new things have its great impacts on me. Uncannily, I a bit start suffering from writing blog... perhaps, I’m so caught up in the routine that I had forgotten about the simplest pleasures in my life on how I love writing blog.

Anyhow, there are some pictures, in case, you forget about me! LOL and to view more here.

... and with JULY... one of good months ever, and I expect more. And the first of all, I want to see how my both little pumpkins have grown after all months I’ve never seen them.

---LOVE---

You hold the special place in my heart...

For both of you.
For both wonderful fathers.
For the only greatest men in my life.
Dad and Uncle.

Taken at Prek Kampi, Kratie

Happy father’s day!

I send all my deep love to you both, Dad and Uncle, for being the only best men of all in this world to me. There’s no way I will say “You know what? I love you so much” in front, but I speak it through my heart.

You have no idea how much I love you!

Dad, when I call you "Dad", it explains all the things I'm grateful about. You taught me life, you taught me everything I need to know. Not only taught, but showed me. You're exceptional. I get to think all the things you've done for me. Too much for me to give you back. Though you might can't get me the moon, but I've got your love. Instead, I want so much to get the moon for you. but I know it's not that easy, but I try anyway. I'm glad I was and am able to do those little things for you. I'm profoundly grateful, though it's not enough, though it can't be compared to what you've done. Anyway, I always miss our old times. I miss everything. I put a blame to universe! How on earth this world need to spin? What I miss the most is how I often hugged your tummy all the time even in front of people. How come I’ve never showed this affection and intimacy to you for all these couple years? Not that I’m too shy, because I’ve been so stress out lately with all the things I’m doing. And you know what? I’ll change to who I used to be. I'll hug you more.

Uncle, you’re always a daddy to me. Everything you taught me, showed me, manifest me, shaped me to the person I am today. Your strong and firm, yet sweet personality. You know how much I want to duplicate you? I’ve been waiting for the person like you to show up, but I know there’s no such a miracle. Maybe he did show up and it was all like a magic, but you know what? Everything never happened according to plan. And with this, I learned how to acknowledge the facts and the qualities and love and all. And I think I should stop waiting the person like you anymore. Because I think I should love him for being him from my heart, not because he's like you or he has the same qualities and personalities like you. But all I merely want to say is: without warning, I tried to look for YOU in my man-to-be. And that was silly! LOL

So you both are a role model to me. You play the most important role in my life.

I'm blessed.

You were there for summer dreaming, And you gave me what I need.

Listening to: Robbie Williams
Mood: Sentimentally great! LOL

Tonight is exceptional.
I'm half way with "Shanghai Girls" by Lisa See I got from SR few days ago. Unusually, on the way back on bus from SR, I missed my younger sister terribly. And now again,.But this time, I get to think all those things we fight over at day and sleep by hugging each other at night.

All right, I think this time is another random post:

1 - Sometimes, like this time, I come across at the thought of the things I want to make in my old age, besides getting married and have kids. A woman in me has this secret dream. I love vintage. I love home-made. Last time I told mum and she laughed at it. Because I told her I want to be a fine cook; I want to make vintage cotton dresses; knitting and I want to make those handmade stuffs (Which I can create a small clubs for women). Because I’m worst at cooking, and plus I don’t really know how to make dress, except I used to make my Dolls some clothes when I was little. LOL. Or is it just a fad? But I'm sure it's my passion. BUT I have another dream. This dream was inspired by someone I like. He said he plans to run a Manga café, where there are coffees to drink, books to buy and books to read for free. I always miss how I argued him over it. LOL. Well, if there’s a Manga café first open in Cambodia, I’m sure it’s his.

2 - I surprised mum, just like how she surprised me. The worst thing is she’s been keeping on at me about marriage. It really hurts my ears. But last time, I told her “What do you think if I plan to be single and live my life alone? I could adopt a child or buy a sperm? What if I learned to be a good cook, make those vintage cotton clothes, and handmade stuffs? Isn’t that interesting?” She jumped and said, “SILLY!” LOL. Well, I know that won’t be happened. Nonetheless, honestly, I somehow really think about it.

3 - I get to think that how I like fighting with mum and like doing what mum hate, but there are time we’re really a team! LOL. Is it because of two Dragons in a house? There’s always harmony and clash at the same time? Which is why there’s Mouse who calm us down! LOL. I don’t want to count my Monkey and my little Pig in! All right, too much of Chinese Zodiac, perhaps, because of Lisa See’s books. LOL.

4 - I tempt to make my room like these pictures below. I prefer small bed, or maybe no need of bed, just two mattresses placed on one other to create the height, that’s enough. Because I like it better to be on the floor, esp when sitting and lean on mattress. And yeah, a small book shelf with warm light and my books filled in, along with some photographs. Maybe I could have a Telly, DVDs player, small closet and a vertical mirror, that’s all I need. It’s not a perfect one, or it's closed to a messy, but it looks comfy and cozy yet privacy and so individual and so personal to me. At least, it’s much better than mine nowadays! LOL.(Oh, anyway, I just noticed myself that I tend to sleep on the edge of the bed. I thought, at home, because I have many stuffs on bed but no, even I sleep on big one and have nothing at all, I still sleep on the edge. Anything can say about it? LOL.)


4 - I finished Shopaholic & Sister by Sophie Kinsella last month and I really love the last part when Becky and Jess reconciled. The point is I get to understand clearly about passion! And the compromising between two opposite individual’s personalities.

Real Passion: It’s much like obsession. Compulsion. Mania. Whatever. you name it! Nobody knows and understands us better than we do. Nothing can stop us from our determination. We could risk everything for our Passion. Take Becky and Jess for example, Becky could risk everything and bring herself into trouble just to get a pair of shoes while Jess would risk her own life for rocks.

Understanding & Compromising: We should learn to give in and accept our difference. I acknowledge that, for instance, Black is the opposite of White. Up is the opposite of Down. So, is Good the opposite of Bad? Not necessarily. Just an abstract concepts. What if you are a fan of heavy metal music and you are obliged to attend a performance of an opera? To you, perhaps, could seem like a kind of punishment. And what if you like something that someone else detests? The key to success involves understanding why someone else thinks something is good, even if you don't agree.

6 - STILL desperately want to know how to play guitar!!!! LOL


Buddha, I wrote very long. Sorrriiiiiii...
Good night.

Pretend. Pretend. Pretend.

And enjoy what's good in your life.

Oops! I think I’m getting used with it.
I suppose I’ve been such a drama queen a lot in my life, in a good way though. lolz. Pretend that I never know everything. Hmmm

When it reaches the limit, I would rather leave if I found or feel that something or someone has wronged me, or if I’m at the point of frustration. It’s never easy for me to stage a confrontation, so I better leave. It’s hard for me to draw the line, because I’m so oriented toward relieving suffering in others, not creating more stress.

So I’ll see how long it’s gonna take to my limitation.

Anyway.

Finally, I feel relieved after frank conversation. I’ve been waiting for a long enough for R to be open to me. It hurts when you can’t be there for your loved one to console or to listen to her story.

Anyway.

Just back from Kratie, and thank Buddha, I didn’t have to pack my bag again for another week at provinces. The plan is prolonged, so I have some times for myself, or it might be changed overnight, who know? I don’t dare to plan anything at all, but make sure my clothes are washed for the next pack. lolz

Will post pictures later for the nice view I captured.

Anyway.

I’m glad I got 4 books during mission to Siem Reap a week ago.
I’m done with Tuesdays With Morrie during mission to Kratie few days ago, and the review will be next post. hehe

Ta-dah... Nathary? You see it right!
I got Snow Flower and The Secret Fan!!! Yay!

And this one too, Nathary! lolz

And.

I love these rings. Oh I do love it. Will think about making one for myself. A gift for myself. Maybe next year birthday? lolzz

Nothing but Bee & Belle

ត្រលប់មកពីតាមខេត្តវិញ​​ ព្រលឹមឡើងជូនម៉ាក់យាយទៅផ្ទះពូរិទ្ធ​ ព្រោះបង្កក់ ស្រី Belle ចេញខែ! ទោះជាងងុយគេង និងហត់ពីការបើកឡានឆ្ងាយយ៉ាងណា​ ក៏ត្រូវតែទៅដែរ ព្រោះចិត្តជ្រួលច្រាលចង់ជួប Bee & Belle! ខ្ញុំបី Belle​ រហូត!​ ចាស់ៗគាត់ថា ខ្ញុំចេះបីក្មេងទំនងណាស់! ហេហេហេ

ថៃ្ងឡើងរត់ទៅប្រជុំ ល្ងាចឡើងជួបវិបុល​ យក​ Laptop ដែលតំឡើងWindow 7 ថ្មី! អូ!​ ពិតជាអរគុណជាអនេកកបុ្បការចំពោះការខំប្រឹង​និងចំណាយពេលដ៏មានតំលៃ​។​

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Sleep in peace when day is done

But I couldn't.

Stress.
As hell.
Weather.
Hot as Hell.

If anyone doubt about where the hell is, I think I could give the answer now.

I wish I could affort for an air-con, while mum and dad enjoy their sky-giant air-con up on the rooftop. I tend to think what I could push Cambodia to South Pole, or Noth Pole, or maybe next to France? where I fancied I could go there once. I love those jazz songs playing while drinking hot coffee, sitting next to the mirror watching the snow fall and chit-chatting about life, or walking along the street full of lights for sightseeing with a Canon in my hand. Ok stop it!

It makes me miss my Christmas time back in SFC with K and her parents, walking along the bay, seeing people hugging and kissing, feeling the cold breeze and enjoying the nice view of city. It was amazing.

I imagine what if Cambodia has 4 seasons like most countries do? Isn't it great if we have autumn and winter here? Umm I really miss my good old day when we cuddled up all together under a blanket, watching three horror movies in a row and froze our spine through the whole damn night until the snow stopped by the morning came. Oh I miss that time. Warm-hugging a big damn thing like P is a great feeling! And his brother, H, who likes fighting with me non-stop, always tried to close my eyes and helped me not to get scared with the bloody movies.
What play boys they are! Miss' em.

I really miss those short times.
I fall in love with those cities like others do.
I enjoyed the night there.
Where we had fun...
and shared the moments.

Stitch your stress away

I knew - but I wish I didn't know. Feel like a FOOL. Been so down but luckily I've been too busy to think about. Throw it aside. Pretend it's ok.

Well, I've never done any shopping for months. Clothes. Shoes. Stuffs. Bags (mostly received as gift). But today after the last task of delivery done by early morning, I've been spending an hour at Sovanna Mall and watched 4D again and cut down my stress a lot. Despite of my own stuffs, I got little shoes and warm hat for Bee & new-born Belle at EXPRESS (I love Express now!). For always, I only got dresses for Bee, so this time, shoes.

I always adore laces and knitting so much. So I couldn't help when I saw those cute finishing of its knitting. This is why it caught my eyes. Not that I can buy something like this everywhere, so bought it regardlessly. I actually want to keep it as sample, but I don’t want to do so, because I bought it for them (But how could she wear knitting shoes & hat during summer?)

I know how to knit it, but I just don't know how to knit the flower by layers like this, esp this exacting same beautiful flower on these tiny shoes. If I know how to knit this flower, I will be able to make it as clips or bows for my both little cousins, and… and future daughter. Whaha!

Will google more for the crochet pattern for this knitting.

Okay, I'm officially broke now.
Outing is no-no!

22. Older. Grateful.

I’m 22 years old, and I’m starting to build the block around me. This is when I start pretending that I’m strong, believing that I will grow stronger than I was and than I am. I’m 22 and I learn to find the reasons to believe. I found some. I’m 22 and I know I change a lot. I'm 22 and I'd like to think that I'll get better with time, in allowing myself to pursue the source of inspiration and potential contentment and not being self-indulgent. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to rush it. Everyone has their moments. That's inspired me when I turned to 22 years old.

More-than-Thank to all your best wishes, gifts, sms-es, phone calls and your all posts here and here. You have no idea how grateful I am of having you all.

I always love the feeling of surprise and excitement rushing through my body. I love the feeling of the heart beat. And I’m fortunate enough to encounter those moments in my life.

The most important thing about birthday is not related to gifts and such, but your people who always make you feel loved.

Like every year, I spent my day with bong bong first, then the following days with my other friends. Yesterday, after I got home with wide grin and asked mum her whether she has present for me. But she said, “you’re old enough not to get any birthday present from us.” I then said, “Well, I don’t mind. But sorry to say that I’ll consider all the money I owe you as my birthday present. haha.” She laughed. Then I announced, “Deal!"

I fell asleep with those contentment after sms-es and phone calls, thinking it's my day, my lovely day.

And that’s how my day ended.
I’m grateful.