cupcakes, chocolates and book!

What more do I expect???
This is one of best Christmas!!!!

From D.

From B.K-M-A.

From N!!!! GOSH I was swept away!
My stomach was leaping with flowers while driving back home!
Thannnnkkkks!!!!

How was your Christmas?
Mine was nothing!!! LOL
And this is the best treat from me on Christmas day in this blog!
Check this video out!

Part 1:

Part 2 and 3 is here and here.

MERRRY Christmas!!

Good morning, yesterday.

I woke up by the chill of the wind, but I kept sleeping. Then again I woke up by the ring of the phones. GREAT. I hate that part. Everyday. Even though, I wanted so much to sleep like I didn't need to care if there were a crisis out there. Okay, like it or not, I had to get up.

Taken at Pailin. Chet stole its seeds for me. Now it's growing.

Yesterday and the day after yesterday, I wanted so much to let the mountain off my chest. I was throbbing with those pains. I wanted to let those out as much as possible. I got to understand why people usually say ‘It’s hard to breathe in here.’ I experienced it twice. And I was like, 'Somebody kill me please!'

So I just need someone to talk with and to let it out. But then I ended up being a listener instead. GREAT again. Alright, never mind. I barely bring myself to speak what my mind want to. I barely pin it down, let alone to to speak it out. Plus, whenever I started talking about my bummer or so, I often feel like 'Crappy crap! Cut it out! It's pretty much boring! Not that person want to hear your story as you want to hear theirs!'

Okay, maybe this is the reason why I'm always a listener.

So, out of blue, yesterday, after I got home, I determined on coming up with some tools of inspiration, but then I failed it. Because every minute I tried to make sense of everything, I was totally overwhelmed. Because I felt as though, if things didn’t ease up soon, I will just blow a fuse. Okay. I did it many time already.

But, suddenly I thought I should come up with something better to cope with. To give it a go, I need to lay it out on paper in order to pin it down, rather than let it slip in and out through my freaking brain.

---- Okay, not that I’ll post the list here----

Alright, after this half an hour later, I’ve done some of it. It came out well. It flew like running water. I’m amazed. I’ve never wanted to list things down and planned to keep everything in check like this. I’m no good at it. I don’t know it goes with plan, but I’ll try to follow up anyway. I need a lot of efforts. But if I fail, I’ll give it up. Because this mean I'm DEFINITELY not organized person.

So this plan will be my revolution for next year also. Some must to be started on January and some on the following months and run until June-July.

Apart from it, during the time I watch my sunflowers grow, I too determine to plant myself.
Btw, all the trips are officially canceled. Great. I've seen its coming.
But I've made another plan with my besties. Hope it will go well. Because this time, I really want to spend time with them on this New Year. I want to make it as ONE of those Times Of My Life also.

And this song is on top of my playlist. So inspiring.

I'm an INFP, and you?

I found this test is pretty much interesting. It, at least, is 85% true.

And with couple time I tried the test, I still got INFP which described as Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving. With these qualities, I googled them around and found it's quite interesting, you know, rather than horoscope-something.

In this Portrait of an INFP page, they explain about INFP's personality as an idealist. And with this page, they talk about the INFP's types and personal growth and stress, which is much more interesting. Speaking of which, this page and this page, they describe about INFP's relationships, strength, weakness, as lovers, parents and friends. Oh I like it!

And there are some points below I laugh about as being an INFP:

This is about stress which is pretty much true: "As with all NFs, the INFP will feel lost and perplexed at stressful times. As stress builds, INFPs become disconnected from their own personality and perceived place in life. They will lose sight of who they are in relation to time and place. They may not make basic observations, while instead they will focus on the more abstract and symbolic meanings of a particular interaction. This can sometimes baffle those who expect more direct communication and a fairly concrete relationship."

And wow this part is somewhat did a wake-up call for me: "INFPs are withdrawn and are sometimes hard to get to know. Some may view them as shy. But those that take the time to get to know them will find them warm and gentle, with a surprising sense of humor. They care deeply for those they consider special friends. Putting forth-unusual sacrifices to help such individuals. They often have a subtle, tragic motif running through their lives — inner pain and unease which others seldom detect."

And this one, it's so true!!! "INFPs are not naturally interested in administrative matters such as bill-paying and house-cleaning, but they can be very good at performing these tasks when they must. They can be really good money managers when they apply themselves."

And this one is a good part to consider about: "Think of a situation in your life in which you were not sure how to behave. Now try to understand how one or two other people would see the situation. Do not compare their behavior to your own, i.e. “she would know better than me what to do,” or “why is it so easy for her, but so hard for me?”. Rather, try to understand how they would see the situation. Would it be seen as a problem, or as an opportunity? Would it be taken seriously or lightly? Try to determine their point of view without passing judgment or comparing it to your own."

But I like this part a lot... this is INFP's motto: "To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive – to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before.” — Rollo May

and how's about you??? Check out this test here.

There are time that life is just beautiful...

Less depression, but half full stress.
All I can see is greeeeeeeeeennnnn!!!

taken at Pailin.

1- Everything is fine. Everything is good and I developed such a good positive thinking, except that a lot of money went through my pocket. Heck! I don’t know how to survive this month. No, I meant I can survive, except that where I can get money for trip(s) I’ve planned this end of the year?? HOW???? I hate it when I can’t manage my expense wisely. I don’t know how. I don’t have a brain to think about every single penny I spend. Okay, I hate being so detailed on spending money, even with people. I can’t stand with meanies people. I remember what granny told me, “Never get near to mean guy!”

2- Alright, anyway, after all, I don’t know if my plans will go with hand from Christmas to New Year. Koh Kong Trip with family, VN trip with my ladies and KL trip with BB. Yay! please please please! Buddha helps me out! –Crossed finger- Guide me a way to go for MMM* source, and no works or project suppose to do during this time please! Okay, we gotta get everything solved and done before holiday though.

3- By the way, I eat out a lot almost every day. Look like I’ve been having much fun of out-going here and there. And I, for the time being, am in the mood of party as well. Guess, I'm gaining some more weight. Arrggghhh awful! But i love trying some new places. You know, food! Food-lover! I should marry to a master chief! HAHAHA

4- Well, there’s no way we don’t have play-time while working our head off. Work hard & Play harder! LOL... Travel, Shopping, Night Outing, Eating, Working, Playing seems to be what NOV & DEC is all about. I look what in store for me to end this fruitful year!

5- I almost finish every book of Sophie Kinsella. I can’t bring myself to finish the last one, Mini Shopaholic, since I’ve spent almost every night eating out and I craved for sleep more than anything else. Well, there are season changing for everything. Even the season of heart! HAHAHA Right now, my season should be SPRING!

6- Okay, this time around, I feel like I want to have a baby! UTTERLY!!! Because I love BEE & Belle and this girl. This thought is really going wild. I can't help it! LOL... Well, there are time I thought, what if I wanna be a single mum?? No way! Mum will kill me!

----

*MMM=MakeMoreMoney

we know what happened...

May all the souls of deaths rest in peace...

progress, changing, growing then giving up, somehow we're never quite prepared...

But there are time you have to slow it down a little bit. Just a little bit. Except you don't have a chance at all. You're just being pushed through after all.

You know all along that you don’t rush through this life of yours.

But it goes too fast on its own and somehow you don’t really realize until some days.

There is just so much that you should not be missed… the really important stuffs.
And it’s really beautiful and peaceful.

This world will survive without you running around like a mad woman, checking things off your
to-do / to-fix / to-organize / to-control / to-succeed / to-accomplish/ to-take-care-of-everyone / to-blah-blah list, which rule your days.

And with this, you don’t feel the-old-you anymore. You don't feel what you felt anymore.
And all you want to do is to untick this list and hit "less-stress and happiness" button.
But, if we think about it for a second, it doesn't look like you're alone after all. People in this world is running around like mad to get those check list done. So, the question is, are we in common ground? Yes, we are.
Hence, what's the point to whine about?

because even when I was flat broke, You made me feel like a million bucks...

---

When I'm obsessed, I'm really obsessed.

Talking about music, i'm a huge fan of country.
And recently, i've been obsessed with Brandi Carlile I found in my playlist. I downloaded it after hearing it's played in an American drama TV series, "Grey's Anatomy". I have this DVD set and not yet watched, except that I don't know where I misplaced it.

I REALLY LOVE HER, BRANDI CARLILE!!!

Her voice is really rich, growly, soothing and amazing. All her songs in each album are great and beautiful. I love' em all.

Though she's a gay, but what's the point?
I found that Gay/Lesbian have a great talent. Take Elton John and Ellen for example.

She's in interview.




Brandi shares her fav books and Cds

Pick up one foot, put it down. Pick up the other, do the same.

Repeat the process. Don't look at the length of the road down which you must travel. Just remember why you decided to embark on your journey in the first place. It seemed like a good idea at the time... and it still is. You are now, though, dealing with reality rather than theory. That's like the difference between looking at a flight timetable and actually catching a plane. It involves a lot more - and takes more out of you... but it is also a lot more productive.

October

I was planning to make October to be a month of gathering, meeting and hanging out with people, but forget it, it didn’t go with plan.

Just feeling the chilling wind and knowing the Fall has started and oh yeah, I have plenty of wedding to attend and my people to meet! And I gotta make it. I just looked at calendar, I don’t think I’ll travel that much for November, but who knows? it always happens in a blink of eyes. I just can’t plan my time. Crossed finger!

Nonetheless, October was good after all.

- It began by spending 2 days off on Pchum Ben with my ladies at SHV without those endless phone calls (In this point, I think I have sth new to update in my CV… particularly, like ‘Professional in picking up the phone calls’ Haha)



-Here comes, after I'm done with short holidays, I’ve been to some new provinces. Back & Forth. And do regular work.

-Every time I stayed in PP, esp during the heavy-rain-and-flood-everywhere time, I’d hear the knock on my door and mum asks, “Will you take the car or motorbike?” I went, “Yes?? Oh oh, motor!” then I heard she say, “Bring the car, the weather is not good, it might rains!”… I got up and went to see the sky, “Oh! Ok! But… mum, I’m not Salt anyway” And I felt so good.

-Glad to be done reading some books at the same time. And now it's time for break. Otherwise, my severe headache and crummy eyes will be worst.

-The other Sunday, I have one day to treat myself nicely. I drove to over there, over there and down there for the whole damn day with a choco shake in hand. And I get chance to do my ‘MMM’. Can't help! Finance crisis! Otherwise I probably end up walking around penniless.

-Last week I was in Steong Treng and I was lucky to join religious activities, Water Festive. They celebrated it after holy times (3 months of Jol Vorsa). I’m not sure what it’s called though. B.Thuch & I got ourselves a small light boat decorated with flowers and we floated them by the river in front of pagoda. And I just knew woman use this light boat to wish for husband! Ha-ha! Damn! Too late! I should have known! Haha. In fact, I didn’t wish for anything, though!!!


-And today, I’m in PP. Just back from Pailin and Preah Vihear last night and I'm gonna have training at Koh Thom in few hours. Only 2 more provinces! that I fulfill my wish of traveling around the 24 provinces in Cambodia.


BIRTHDAY!BIRTHDAY!BIRTHDAY!

I got a lot of best people in October! and I love them all.

-Bong Ratha
-Bong Rama
-Vattanak
-Kelly
-TinTin and
-Dad


May your all birthday be the beginning of your happiness!

I thought we could have a rendez-vous and wish a birthday in person! But maybe we could celebrate one-day-together-birthday, couldn't we?

How do you feel for being 20-something?


And this one, I dedicate to my Dad.
Happy Birthday To You!
I'm glad that I'm now able to do something little for you.
I'm glad at least, I have chance to do so.

nothing better than this... you feel just like the sun... just like the sun.

I couldn’t keep track of the vision of life recently. Each event, it comes and go. It’s like over there, over there and up there (I love this sentence a lot, cuz I watched this).

The thing is, in time like this, I’ve bumped into many new inspirations, realizations and thoughts in a way that I could say, I CAN FEEL IT. IT'S IN MY BONE. But the problem is I couldn’t get a hold of what flied into my mind and to put it into words.

Taken on the rice field, Takeo.

For instance, it happens often when you’re on the way to somewhere. I meant, when you see ‘that’, and then you start talking about ‘that’, you’ll just create 'that useful thought’ in your mind. I don’t know how it happens to others, but me. Especially, when being in a moment, when it reminds me the books I have read, which I gain more perspectives from those. You know when you read, you would stop and think about what it's written, but when you bump into a similar situation, or see anything related to, you’ll just get to understand in a profound way. At least, to me, it happens this way. I'm deeply inspired and excited about those new wisdom.

Every now and then, those books I’ve read really change the way I think, and it has a positive effect to the way I am. So would you tell what the books that change your perspective are? If you ask me, I’d say, I give two thumbs up for MITCH ALBOM… You’ll never know until you read one. Thank Nathary for the lending me one, and JenJen for recommending me other one and I’m glad Bong Lod interests and so into his books too.

Here the quote I just love a lot from "Have A Little Faith" by Mitch Albom:

1- "Having more doesn't keep you from wanting more"

2- "They aren't perfect, but they don't need improvement. Why? Because it means you are willing to accept people as they are. Nobody is perfect. Not even mom and dad. That's Ok."

3- "You can embrace your own faith's authenticity and still accept that others believe in something else."

Anyways, recently I’ve been blessed to bump into these great moments. I don’t know why, but I just incredibly love those moments I had recently.

1- I've developed such great sentimental mood when I was on the way to some places and we shared about everything related to that places. One thing leads to another, that’s how our days beautiful days went by, bubbling with fun and amazing conversation blah blah blah. Of course, they are decent conversations. It made me feel like a part of home and family. It reminds me this. Because it's like a new getaway, from everything in this complicated and messy world, power, materialism... and all you can feel, see, listen, and touch is nature, nature, nature over there, over there and up there, with new good talks about life and great laughs... which made me love a great simple life more and more... That's exactly what I want to feel. Profoundly. Warm. Happiness. Beautiful.

2- Talked and listened to each other experiences, thoughts and wisdom. And that was the very first time, in person, I’ve ever shared what in my mind, what books I read, what books that prove positive things to think about, what books that change the way i think, esp with right question, with the right conversation, with the right persons. That’s when I feel comfortable and relaxing.

What can I say? I just loves those moments.

when September ends...

… and knowing that October will come. The months which held the best memories I’ve ever had. Sweet and bitter. Best and worst. In-between September and October in last 3 years.

...last 3 years, I found my path of true self through many tough decisions and through a journey of disbelief. And this tough journey made me a person I am today.

...last couple years, no matter how, I’m so grateful, so loved, so amazed by how fate brought a very nice person to me... embraced by my uncle's personalities. But thinking I don't deserve him and i didn't know how to love, I just run away.

...last year, I was in a very new journey in finding pieces of my true self. Though I was not confident enough, though I was not sure if I chose the right path, but it’s what I chose and I have to face it. At least, I was lucky enough to make decision; to go for it and to be responsible for it. However, I just want to be encouraged that I've done the best I could.

...this year, what can I put it? it hasn't ended yet. but my only wishes are to meet up with people I wanted to meet. I want to feel my progress. I want to spend more time with family.

Just realized how I love Sep-Oct after all these year.

Stop and smell the flowers...

Not pretty much road trips, but i prefer to say that.
And below are the pictures which taken in one of my road trip, Pailin.

I can always have fun during my work trips.
I can always have fun with those massive headaches.
I can always have fun no matter what.

To check all photos, click here.

Beside works and staff meeting, from laziness of getting up, warm shower, breakfast, coffee, talking, laughing, driving, teasing, critique, calling, cursing while driving, music, singing along (howling), look for unknown places to go, photography, finding loo along the way (haha), calling, texting, talking, talking and talking about everything (from childhood, neighbor, religious, wisdom, future, parents, relationship, friendship, careers, personal view, to general matter… blah, blah, blah), photography, saying ‘oooh and aahh’ to this and that, accept calls, ignore calls, waiting calls, wandering, sneaking out for fun, photography, talking to strangers, stop and smell the flowers, sneaking to people’s farms & fields, capturing, massages, dinner, talk, laugh, surfing, emailing and sleeeeeeeeep.

The only unpleasant and very disturbing thing is I HAD TO accept endless calls and evoucher-ing to staffs, no matter what time and whatever I was doing. I HAD TO PICK IT UP! DAMN!

Update: This week is scheduled for beach sides. KK/SHV/KP/VR/SA in a row and I'm looking for more info of Tatai... we planned to have a peek there and spend a day and night there.

I feel worst today, but tonight, thinking all about road trips i had, I’m feeling better.

been there, done that…

taken on the way to Kampot

Pretty much there's a feeling of enjoyment out of nowhere, but inside me.
Because of the current shot I'm in.
Because of where I've been and what I've done.
And I seem to pay less attention to whom I'm with.

There's a warn...
I was told I'm being missed.
I was told I'm like a thousand mile away.
I was told if I could give a little time for people I've never had time for.
I was told to think about who I'm with while I'm doing it.

pathetic

Listen to: Diane Birch
Mood: Not that great. I know what I feel. I'm just not sure whether I really ought to be feeling it.
Do you think human being is pathetic?
Out of blue, regarding with human being, the closer I look, the more I find it very pathetic.

Taken at Prek Kampi, Kratie

with hope and faith.

with expectation.

with everything we greed about.

with silly and absurd ideas we make up.

with craziness we can’t get it over with.

with vulnerabilities we're unable to show.

with all the sadness we're unable to let it go.

with those happiness we unable to hold a bit longer.

with emotional existences we allow ourselves to sleep in.

with stupid ideas for others’ attention.

with those scenes and we have to play our parts.

with every pretending we simulate.

with our anxiety that stir our serenity.

with inabilities to be consoled or comforted when in doom and gloom.

with all those surge of feeling we struggle to fight.

with strength and courage that take a hell out of us to muster.

with those weaknesses we can’t figure out.

with all the strong parts we exert a great deal of force and effort to grow.

with those fortuitous coincidences in commotion.

with those ignorance we need a hell of time and experience to get rid of.

with other person’s love to fulfill our happiness.

with being unable to be contented in within by ourselves, but others.

with etc… etc… etc you name it.

most of all, with all the reasons why we are to be alive.

But what to make it more pathetic is, even though, we acknowledge those facts, we don’t seem to know how to chase it away.

---

Work hard, play hard…

This is the concept we got from our client on our very first trip for work together… which, as to our surprise, is what we always do. We actually know how to have fun for whatever situation we’re in.

Here is the most exciting and relaxing road trip for work ever last week. I didn’t remember when the last time I went to beach, but this time was exceptional. To make up for all, I went to 3 beaches in a row. SHV, KP and KK. The most touching part is when we spent a night at Nataya Resort in KP. With the super natural views and fresh cold breeze, plus the round Bali style room we slept in, I felt so relaxing, exciting, worry-free and less headaches with problems I face. I really enjoyed staying there which made me appreciate the idea and concept of the owner. We had dinner and talked and laugh. We are crazed over photo-taking. We enjoyed chatting with the Filipino and Cambodian-France, very tall yet big guy, who I assumed that he’s the owner, which is actually son of the owner. At night, I couldn’t help but fell in love with the moon, which I couldn’t resist taking in the spa-like bathroom outside the room and enjoyed watching it. The moon looked really great, along with many shadows of coconut leaves (Pictures later). I wish I could stay there forever. Well, a best recommended place to stay for honeymoon.

The day we’re in Koh Kong, after we’re done with our staffs’ meeting, we went to Prei Koang Kang. Before going there, we’re having breakfast. And that’s when Jeje and I really had a great laugh over our client’s staff who went there with us for market visit. I somehow found that he's not that flirtatious, but he's very humble. I like him.

Well, there’re about 6GB for all the photos we took. Jeje and I make a great pair when it comes to something fun like this.

Just finishing upload pictures. To see more, you can click here.

Updated: Thought I have to pack again for going trip this weekend with my uncle, Bee and Belle.... but hmmmmm... stuck with work again. Nonetheless, I have to pack for the next round trip in the same 8 provinces in this upcoming week.

In any event…

I haven't written for long enough to drop one post.

… and July has came to sweep June away and it went faster than superman, the events that transpired just last month seem vague and unreal to me. Perhaps because there are many things I’ve came across and many relentless thoughts that have kept occupying my head. But I'm glad I'm getting busier and experience more.

Well, it'll be a year soon that I've been in my current job - a steep learning curve,that has a big impact on my behaviors in comparison to my previous job... a totally different playground, which resembled nothing, but mud.

Yet, despite of my lack of ability and capacity, I figured out of whole lots things in term of human characters. I get to understand how wild and cruel people can be... and how I choose to react/act on it and how much I expect from others. It reflects too much the very negative and weak sides of me. It reflects the very negative sides of people. I stop thinking that everyone is saint. Especially, despite of others, upon behaviors and betrayal of people I trust; care and I gave the most. That’s the shittiest things in life. Those people dug out the very worst parts of me. This is very frustrating.

In term of it, I’m getting scared… I need to feel comfort and secure ground -- in a place that is full of people who is realizable, who is serious, who is not annoying—in a place where people would tell me money & materiality is nothing.

... which make me miss my uncle. I miss how he would give me some logic on no matter what I have in my head.

However, I met a lot of men lately and it made me miss those men who have came to my life. That’s when I realized how chicken I was… how stubborn I’ve always been… and how the vision of my uncle perception and personality has greatly embraced my thought all along in view of any man.

…and anyway, in a strange way, I've missed writing. Yet the countless times I've tried to start... I'd not been able to elaborate on more than 3 sentences. Indeed, I have so much to tell, but I somehow find it hard to tell or to remember how excited, how hard it was, how new things have its great impacts on me. Uncannily, I a bit start suffering from writing blog... perhaps, I’m so caught up in the routine that I had forgotten about the simplest pleasures in my life on how I love writing blog.

Anyhow, there are some pictures, in case, you forget about me! LOL and to view more here.

... and with JULY... one of good months ever, and I expect more. And the first of all, I want to see how my both little pumpkins have grown after all months I’ve never seen them.

---LOVE---

Compatibility Grid

I found it in from an anonymous in my mailbox.
It's interesting though. LOL so if you want to see how compatible between you and your love one, here it is... according to your western sign. Well, I don't have anyone to match with and plus I don't know their birth dates, so I matched mine to a friend. I'm a Pisces and He's a Capricorn. Yeah, it's somehow true! LOL... Ok whatever! So what? Though we're compatible but we're not destined to be with each other! But it's another story right? Btw, I also compared my mum and dad and yes! They're so true!

So here you go... Match yours!

---

Your signs:

- Aries: March 21 - April 19
- Taurus: April 20 - May 20
-Gemini: May 21 - June 20
- Cancer: June 21 - July 22
- Leo: July 23 - August 22
- Virgo: August 23 - September 22
- Libra: September 23 - October 22
- Scorpio: October 23 - November 21
- Sagittarius: November 22 - December 21
- Capricorn: December 22 - January 19
- Aquarius: January 20 - February 18
- Pisces: February 19 -March 20

Detailed Interpretations: